In Loving Memory

His life began: April 25, 1914 Departed this life for the next: November 9, 2009

Mr. Joe Columbus ...he's my "Big Daddy" (grandfather)

He's been the patriarch of the family--the oldest surviving son of Joe and Manerva. He lived all 95 of his years in the same area where he was born. Matter of fact, his father was born there too. Although most of his 9 brothers and sisters moved away from the area, he never did. He raised 13 children plus some of his grandchildren, nieces and nephews and helped his wife care for her elderly step-daddy. He never attended school beyond 3rd grade--and yet he was a smart man.
Big Daddy, you told me a few years ago that you were ready because all your friends had passed on. The love of your life, Katie Mae had passed. Your cousins, brothers and sisters, save your baby sister, were all gone too. And you said you were ready. There was no one left in your age group with whom you could relate. Well Big Daddy, you are finally home....rest in peace.

A Mother's Prayer

Being a single mom, I'm reminded each time I look into my child's face that I need to pray for him. This generation faces so much---so many things that I didn't have to contend with when I was his age and younger. The world has changed so much. Moms, let us remember that we are to always cover our children. Yes, it's important to give them shelter, food, clothing...to tend to their medical needs, their wants and even their desires. But the most awesome thing we can do for our child(ren) is to pray. I found this prayer on the internet and I tweeked it to my liking. It's simple and to the point. Borrow it, change it as needed and pray it as often as you like.

Heavenly Father,
I need your help today.
Please help me to care for the child(ren) You've sent into my life,
I want to help them develop the special gifts You've given them.
As mom, I want to free them to follow their own paths--
and not feel as though I am trying to live my life thru them.
Help me to embrace without clutching,
to support without suffocating,
to correct without crushing.
And help me to live joyfully and playfully,
so they can see Your life in me
Allow me to shine with Your Light so that
they may find their way to you.

Amen.

Happy Birthday simply beautiful!

I meant to update my blog on my actual birthday. Can you believe I forgot? Oh well. Happy Birthday to simply beautiful on Sunday, September 27, 2009. Many, many more!!

An Ode to Me
Beautiful Lady
Smile so sweet
Swing your hips,
Lick your Lips
Glide to your own beat.

Elusive Lady
Hard to find,
Smile your smile,
Dance your dance
Take a chance.

Wonderful Lady
Ever so graceful
So mysterious, yet so serious
trustworthy and faithful.

Pretty Lady
You’re so divine.
And so fine,
as vintage wine,
getting better with time.

Beautiful, Elusive Lady
Special, Tantalizing Lady.
So Wonderful and Pretty, too.
For all you are and all you do
This is an Ode to You
on this special day,
the anniversary of your birth
Celebrate your Worth!

written on September 27th, 2008 1102pm revised Sept. 28, 2009 c. Fort Worth TX USA simply beautiful
.

Country RoadSide Evangelist

Funny story: I went out of town yesterday to check on my grandfather because he'd been placed in a nursing home. When I got to the town, I went to my uncle's house (which is next door to my granddad's house) and he had me follow him to the nursing home. Anyway, we got down the road from his house and there was a man standing beside his truck parked on the road. My dad asked me to stop so that he could speak to him. Well, they talked briefly about a couple of things and then the man confessed he is 80 years old. My mom, who had been silent up to this point, entered the conversation telling the man that he didn't look 80. ( He really didn't...the saying goes that black don't crack) So he goes into a mini sermon--"Oh, I give praise to God. He's the One who keeps me and sustains me. God is good! I give thanks to my Heavenly Father every morning that I wake up" and he goes on with all those cliche phrases one expects from someone who is saved, sanctified and filled with a mighty burning fire!! And my mom just egs him on.. 'Yes, God is good, give Him praise!' And they keep trading words back and forth & forth and back. Now, this goes on a while and I'm beginning to think to myself "I need to break this up so we can be on our way". Immabout to get out of my truck with a collection plate, take an offering & give a benediction! (There's nothing like axing for money to break thangs up! LOL!!) My uncle's up the road waiting for us all this time. After about a 5 minute round of 'God is good', 'Yes He is'--Backwood Country Roadside Baptist Pentacostal Sanctified African-American Methodist Episcopal Holyness Christian Center of the Cactus, Red Dirt, and Cattle could finally depart to serve.
So, at lunch, my uncle brought up the fact that the guy talked a long time and that was unusual for him. So I told my uncle about the roadside church service we had.
His response?
It was....Priceless. My uncle said....

"What?!! That man ain't been to church in 15 years!!!"

.......All I got to say is.......If God can use a donkey.....

Words for today

We're called to be witnesses,
not lawyers or judges.

Some minds are like concrete,
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

You can tell how big a person is
by what it takes to discourage him.

and

Opportunity knocks once,
but temptation bangs on the door forever.

.

Simply Beautiful's Writings

If you'd like to further 'see inside of me' you can check out my other blogs. (Yes, I manage 2 other blogs. ) They are: Like A Mighty Streaam and Woman at the Well.
A short synopsis:
Like A Mighty Stream is a blog about society. I mainly focus on sociological issues, social justice, and civil rights. It's a work in progress for sure, and I'd appreciate any feedback.
http://www.likeamightystream.blogspot.com/
Woman at the Well is a blog about my spiritual walk. I know that each one of us that is called by God is called to fulfill a certain purpose. Woman at the Well is about drawing from the spiritual fountain, Jesus Christ, on a daily basis in order to refuel and refresh oneself before, during and after ministry. Come to the well and receive what God has for you. A fresh anointing, a renewing of the mind, a rejuvenation of the spirit, and a rejoicing of the body. You'll come away with a bold new attitude!
http://www.madewholebytheword.blogspot.com


Continue to check out See Inside of Me. This is my first baby--and the baby's growing fast!
Thanks for your readership.

Love. Peace. and NeckBone Grease. (What?!! You KNOW you like dem neckbones, sweet po-tay- toes, and college greens!!! LOL!)

simply beautiful
.

Happy Birthday, Carlton!!

June 22, 1961- June 16,2007

A word of encouragement

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."

Stay in Your Lane

Gentle Readers,
I am in a situation I feel I can no longer bear. It's rough, and it keeps getting rougher. You see, somebody is doing somebody wrong. I see it every day. It gets under my skin. And to make it worse, the person who is being done wrong just doesn't seem to get it. I ask myself, 'How can you be that dumb?' I'm on the brink of just telling it all because the wrong-doer doesn't deserve to get away with this.
So I took it to God. And we had a good conversation about it. Do you know what He told me? He said, "This isn't your fight." 'But God, I see what's going on. How can I sit by idly and watch this person be done wrong?' "Hold your peace." But if I say something, if I do something this will straighten everything out". Finally, He says to me, "Stay in your lane".
Well Gentle Readers, that did it for me. You see, I've been in the middle of too many arguments confrontations, and too many silly fights. I've witnessed ashtrays, knives, guns and hedgers---you know, that garden tool used to trim bushes and such---being used as weapons. And it's not even my fight. I'm pulled in as the 'mediator no one listens to'. God said, "enough" a long time ago--but they're not listening. Somehow I just keep getting put in the middle. Although they aren't listening to God, this time, I am. Since this is not my fight--this is not my purpose--this is not the plan He has for me, I will keep my mouth shut and I will pray. I will let God do what God does best while I travel the mapquested journey that God has for me.
In closing Gentle Readers, the word of encouragement for the week is: Stay in your lane!

Take it Lite.
And as you travel the road God has paved for you,
don't forget to drop breadcrumbs!
Not so that you'll know how to get back--
Oh no! Never go back!!
Drop the breadcrumbs for the birds!
God's little creatures need to eat, too! LOL!!!

simply beautiful.
.

the Word of God

To hear the Word of God is to
hear God Himself.
So read it, listen to it, reflect upon it, and
absorb it in your soul.

Ben Campbell Johnson
(from Discipleship Journal May/June 2009 issue)
.

Distance yourself

Basically, I was reading over an earlier post and came across the Scripture reference about laying aside every weight that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. That 'spoke' to me. Because I'm in transition in my life, there are some things that I have to lay aside. There are some people I need to distance myself from. There are some places that I can no longer go. This is in order to get me where God needs me to be. It's funny how I can take someone else's situation and see myself in it. You see, my 20-year-old baby cousin, I'll call her G, is in a predicament. Her 'so-called' man is lazy, manipulative and overbearing. To add spice to the situation, she's expecting her first baby. I haven't met the 'so-called' man, but I really don't have to meet him to know him. Hell, I grew up with him-- (he's like my daddy, puts himself first) and then I even dated someone like him. I wish someone would have given me this same advice I'm about to give G.
Girl, run! You've made a mistake in choosing a partner, but you are young and resilient, you can recover. Remember, we fall down, but we get up? Go back to what you know. Get back in church, I mean really get in. Get people around you that will love and care for you and your baby...people who will cover you...prayerfully, mentally, spiritually, financially, and physically. If anybody offers you a helping hand...take it. Ain't no shame in needing help. The shame is in refusing to accept help when it's offered. And when you get on your feet, pay it forward--help somebody else. Yes, to go back where you came is shameful, humiliating, and painful even. But, that little humiliation will be easier to handle than if you stay on the present course.

And this part of the message is for both G and me: distance yourself from those who seek to do you more harm than good. These very people want to leech off of you, drain you, wear you down and leave you in a corner in a fetal position with your thumb in your mouth. They get pleasure from bringing you down --so that they themselves can look down on you and talk about you. They'd rather look down on you than allow you to rise ( cuz they can't help you rise!!) so that you can pull them up too. It's a shame, but some folk are like that. And they ain't always strangers. They are people who are close to you, like: your mama, daddy, a sibling, a cousin,  a friend, or teacher. You can't help but love them, they're important in your life. But sometimes you have to love them from a distance.
Remember, you have to be careful and prayerful about who you let in your life. And if by chance, the wrong person slips in--be quick about getting them out. Because honey, if they can't stand the call on your life from the Almighty, distance yourself from them-- don't wait for them to move. And after you distance yourself, as one of my Sunday School teacher's favorite quote goes: "Keep it Pushing!!" God's got something bigger and better just for you!

simply beautiful
.

Prayer for Today

Our Father who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,
in earth as it is in heaven,
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who
trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil
For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory
now and for ever
Amen.

How Does it Feel?

pictured here are Carlton and simply beautiful (about 2002)

I dedicate tonight's Graduation to my big brother, my mentor, my friend, my number one encourager-- Carlton. I love you!! R.I.P.

How does it feel to finally get something that you've been working towards for quite a while? That's the question I'm asking myself. How does I feel? I've been working towards a Bachelor's degree for a while now. And in approximately 3 1/2 hours from now I will officially receive a Bachelors Degree in Arts and Sciences in Sociology from Texas Wesleyan University, Fort Worth, TX.
I know, I know--people graduate all the time. Someone graduates felt they never would have made it. I'm sure there are more heartfelt stories than mine. But I still had to take the time to reminisce over the last two years especially. I'll go back to June 2007. During the spring, I'd applied as a transfer student but wasn't sure if I'd be admitted. I did fair at my previous school, but my first college experience was a failure. But, I'd heard from God that this would work out so I had to keep the faith. I got the call one Wednesday afternoon in early June that I'd been admitted. I shared the news with my brother who was ill at the time. He was so happy for me because he knew of my dream to return to school and finish my degree. The next Sunday, he went into the hospital. Early Saturday morning, he was dead. My whole world went into a tailspin. Never did it occur to me, not once did I consider not continuing my education because of my loss. The thought didn't cross my mind, because Carlton would have wanted me to go on.
So tonight's victory is not just for me--but for my big brother. Tonight I walk across that stage to show death that it has not won. Death comes to steal, kill and destroy. Death tried to steal my joy, kill my purpose, and destroy my dream. But God said "NO!!" And so in this situation, death still has no victory, it has no sting. (paraphrase John 10:10 and 1 Cor 15:55)
Tonight I proudly walk across that stage and accept my degree and remember that I made many, many sacrifices, none of which I regret. I passed up on going out with friends and family and as a result lost some friends--they didn't understand that I was in pursuit. I placed my love life on hold--I've delayed travels and vacations-- I sacrificed mid-week and Sunday evening church services and activities. I've even sacrificed eating and sleeping. But all of the hardship, working a full time job, being a full time mother and student, starting my day at 5am, late nights writing papers, reading homework assignments and finally ending my day at 1 or 2am, just to begin again at 5am.--times when I did not know where the bill/tuition/book/grocery money was coming from, not knowing if I had the physical or mental strength or the knowledge to even start or complete a project or a paper...all of the sacrifice has been worth it for this one night. Tonight when I will proudly walk across the stage, I will know it's because I persevered, I belong, and I deserve it.


simply beautiful

Hate on me Haters!!!

Hi Gentle Readers:
Ever felt like the whole world was against you? Umph--I have. As a matter of fact, I feel like that this very minute! I have so many people hatin' on me right now...it's unreal. The strange thing is, I don't know why they hatin'... I ain't did nobody none--really, I haven't (in my best whinnin' voice)
First of all, in this situation, I know that I have to encourage myself. This I know: Greater is He that is within me than he that is in the world(1John 4:4) AND as my pastor says, 'let 'em hate. That means God will bless and move on my behalf all the more and give my haters even more reason to hate!!' (I like that!!)
The thing about my haters is that they are persons who shouldn't be hatin'. (Aren't they always, though?) They are persons closest to me-- so they should be loving, caring, and supportive...you'd think?...but nooo...oooh dare I say it?....my haters are church and family members. Yep..they are. I've noticed in the last few weeks, that certain people are talking about me, not behind my back, mind you--like they are supposed to, but to my face. And giving me strange looks or just plain ol' igging me in conversations. What I usually do is just brushed it off as my imagination. But it keeps coming back time and time again, so I know there has to be something to it.
Can we just talk--you and me? Do you mind if I get real with you a moment and share this experience? See, I was at church---getting my praise and worship in, cuz you know, God is good!, and I hear my name whispered. OK--who's whispering my name while I'm in the middle of worship?!! So I think to myself, 'this must be pretty important, right? Maybe I should come out of worship to see if my skirt is caught up in my pantyhose or something....that can be too embarassing, you know...so I come out of worship for a moment--only to find this young lady is pointing at me and whispering something about me to her neighbor. So I say to myself, "Oops...that's not my conversation"--and I go back to worship. Now this is my thought--let me know if my thinking is wrong here: The praise and worship leader has taken us in. God's in the building. Blessing. Healing. Making miracles happen. And this person has NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN TO TALK ABOUT ME?!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!
The most important thing when the spirit is high is that we focus on God--give God His due. Give Him the honor, praise and worship He deserves. But no--this person decides not to give their attention to the Almighty God, but to meer (wo)man instead. WHAT?!! He is the God who woke us up this morning! Clothed in our right minds! Put food on the table! Gives life, breath, health and strength! I got news for you Ms. Whisperer Hater---I AIN'T DONE NONE OF THAT!!! and couldn't even if I wanted to!!!

Second hater issue...I'm on one of those social networks--you know the kind--where you have to be a member and all we do is talk (type) back and forth--forth and back. Well, I've got a cousin on therethat grew up with me. But after the debacle of 2001,we don't talk much--but anyway, it seems that from the time I announced I'm graduating from college--this cousin ignores me on the social network. Seems like when she realizes I'm on..she gets off. My son tells me, 'oh she just signed off and missed your comment.' No she didn't. She's dissin' me. But that's ok. Go 'head. Dis me. Cuz the more you dis me, the more I'll bless you. The more I bless you, the more I'm blessed. I'm not braggin or boastin on me. I'm braggin and boastin on the God in me. And if you choose to hate on me...hate on. Cuz it's not me you're hatin'.

As I sit and think about it, I'm reminded that I am not unique. They also hated on Jesus. Hated on Him so much that they sent soldiers to pick up an innocent Man in the middle of the night. They tried Him all night long, taking Him from courtroom to courtroom--all on trumped up charges. Hated Him so much that the crowd said let the guilty go free while an innocent Man was pronounced guilty. Hated Him so much that they beat him and spat on him and then they made Him carry a cross up Golgotha hill. Hated him so they put Him up on that cross between two thieves, put a crown of thorns on His head and mocked Him. And to think, He endured the haters, He gave His life, so that you and I can have eternal life. There's no need to ask 'what would Jesus do?' What He did is recorded in Luke for all to read. But in case you missed it, this is what He did--He blessed His haters. Remember? "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do"? Luke 23:34

So a short letter to my Haters: I love you. I decree that God bless and keep you! May God bless you financially--bless your family--bless your children, and your children's children-- bless you on your job--keep you healthy--provide food on your table, clothes on your back and shoes on your feet--May He give you the desires of your heart--bless your going out, bless your coming in--bless you in the city and in the field!! May He enlarge your territory. May the Lord God bless you in every way, every day in ways that are abundantly and exceedingly more than you can dream or imagine!! AMEN!!

I've got one last thing to say and I'll let you go...In the words of my favorite poetress the Honorable Jill Scott:

You can try as you may, Break me down but I say
That it ain’t up to you, Gone and do what you do
Hate on me, hater, Now or later
‘Cuz I’m gonna do me, You’ll be mad, baby
Go ‘head and hate on me, hater
I’m not afraid of -- What I got I paid for!!
You can hate on me!!!

Thanks, Jill! I could not have said it better!
and Thanks God, there is no better example of a more excellent way!!
.
simply beautiful
.

How Sweet It Is?

How sweet it is to be loved by you...that's one of my favs by Marvin Gaye. The lyrics typify blacklove. Yes, blacklove--all one word. Peep this.

I needed the shelter of someone's arms and there you were
I needed someone to understand my ups and downs
and there you were
With sweet love and devotion
deeply touching my emotion
I want to stop and thank you baby

Ah--yeah. That's what everyone's looking for. Sweet love and devotion.
But there is a dark side. I recently watch a documovie entitled "The Diary of a Tired Black Man"...a play on the title of the Tyler Perry movie...now 'documovie' is what I call it, not what the creator calls it.Check him out--Tim Alexander--he's on facebook, has a website, blog, and has a forum where you can contact him and continue to talk about the issue. www.tiredblackman.com

The issue is this: BLACK WOMEN ARE ANGRY.
Black women take this anger out on our husbands/boyfriends/partners/fiances...and why? Does it stem from our parent's relationship? Does it come from not having a father in the home while we were coming up? Why are Black Women so angry? We claim we want a good man--but when we find a good brother, why do we drive him away? and then keep Mr. NoGoodLazyTrifflingAzz NoJobNoAmbitionNoBathTakingMOFO? mmmm.

Mr. Alexander has a term for this condition--Angry Black Woman's Syndrome. Interesting. I have to admit, I've seen it time and time again. I always looked at it as a control issue. The woman does not want the man to wear the pants, she wants to wear them. She wants to control where he goes, what he does, who he's friends with, how the money's spent...etc. And Lawd--don't let him be remotely friendly or gentlemanly towards another female!! It's on and popping then! LOL.

I had to do some self examination here. As you all know simply beautiful is simply single, but she's wanting to get into a relationship--someday...But first I want to look at my upbringing, and my parent's relationship, and how that's affected me--before I go trapsing into a new relationship. I don't want to make someone miserable or be miserable myself when I don't have to be. I don't want to carry any luggage/baggage/crates/purses/makeup bags/change purses...nada...nothing negative into a new relationship. Only the love of God. So--looking at my upbringing...the way my mom and dad treated each other and still treat each other--I've found that I recognized some things in this documovie. Yeah--Tonya can easily be my mom. Always pissed--yelling and screaming about nothing--with an attitude from the pits of hell. My mom drilled into me as I was coming up--'don't depend on a man for nothing. Get your education, get you a job...buy your own house, your own car....' Good advice, I thought. As I got older, though, I realized that she never encouraged me to wait on God for my King. To trust God to send the right man to find me. To pray that I choose a man that will love, cherish, protect and support me. NOoooo-I never heard that. But I heard plenty of 'you ain't shit! You just like your daddy! and other insults and explicits...many, many others directed at my dad. So much so, that I had to wonder...if her husband is so bad...why she marry him? why she have kids with him? and why is she staying married to him? Yes, my mom is an ABW. She harbors bitterness, unforgiveness, and hate from many years of mistreatment from her husband. I'm not saying this is right or wrong..it just is. But, also look at this--this street is a two-way...she mistreats him, as well. And one of the hardest things to watch in this whole docudrama called Real Life--is that they are paying for mistreating one another...right here...right now...and don't even realize it.
Now, my dad's role in this is not the role James portrayed in the documovie. Although my dad's anger and blow ups with my mom were powerfully mean and full of hatred, he doesn't harbor or dwell on it. He let it go--and is "gone on 'bout his bizness" while moms is on slow stew. I can at least give him that. But, while he's in it...omg...it goes on and on...and on.
One thing that I've noticed in their 'relationship' is that in my mom's eyes, my dad couldn't do anything right. According to her, she has to take care of the bills, she has to take care of the house, the car, the kids, the dog...she feels that he doesn't deserve anything nice in life. She controls everything, she withholds things--money, a comfortable lifestyle, transportation, peace-- and hides food, hides mail, keeps important business informatiom from him. All that NONSENSE. And for what? She ain't seeing no gain from it at all. My sentiment is this: If you're going to go to those lengths to keep things from him--why stay married? AND the biggest problem I have with it is that...vengeance is the Lord's...not ours. And on his part, why would he put up with such mistreatment?! I see serious self-esteem issues on both of their parts!
Well, I had to make a decision. Will I follow in the footsteps of my parents when it comes to relationships? or will I seek a much more excellent way? I choose a more excellent way. You see, I almost fell into the same trap. When I dated my son's father, we got along very well for 4 of the 5 years. There were a few things that I didn't like early on, but I let them slide. Now looking back on it...I see that what he was doing really was a form of abuse. No, he never hit me...he never raised his voice nor cursed me out--(until our last year together). Yeah, at the time I thought he treated me well--and he did for the most part. But what I didn't see then as abuse--I clearly see it now. He had a tendency to lie, just make up things for the hell of it. He would ask his friends advice on how to treat me, or talk to me--instead of asking me how I thought or how I felt. He tried on the sly to manipulate what I did or didn't do. And he would tell me he would pick me up on this date at this time and never show up--and not only that, but not call for days afterward---hoping that I'd forgotten, or wouldn't be so mad. And my mom, knowing all of this, encouraged me to stay with him. She told me I was being too hard on him when he'd lied about picking me up for about the 3rd time. I was about to break up with him over it, but she talked me out of it. I look back at that and say 'why?' 'why would she encourage me to stay in a relationship that was starting out bad and only had the potential to get worse?' Because... Misery loves company.

I got out of that relationship, much later than I should have, but I got out and haven't looked back! Now I'm looking for better--no-- the best God has to offer! simply beautiful is asking God for a man who 1) Love's God. He's sold out and puts God first in his life. He trusts God, he prays not only for himself but for his Queen. 2) works. 3)has goals, dreams, and ambitions. And knows how to go about getting things done. 4) is smart. He's articulate..he reads..he writes. 5)loves women and has the utmost respect for his mother, grandmother, sisters, aunts and other women. 6) has love and respect for himself--how can he love me if he doesn't love himself? 7) he knows Whose I am (as well as Whose he is) and recognizes my value and worth. 8)loves kids (and animals, too--though this is not critical)
This time, my mom's advice will not matter--neither will my friends. Oh--I'll hear them out, because I want to be sure that I'm not walking into a bad situation and being blinded by love. But if he's treating me wrong--I don't like what he's doing--he makes me uncomfortable or uneasy about me just being me--then I walk. I won't listen to anyone telling me I'm being too hard, or that I need to give him another chance--If he ain't right, I'm taking it to God. And if God says, "Daughter, this man is for you", then I will stay. But that's what it's gonna take--God Himself will have to speak! LOL.

Diary of a Tired Black Man. Check the website -- www.tiredblackman.com
It's something to think and talk about--then follow up with action. Change what you need to change--about yourself first, then reach out. Crawl, walk, roll, run towards help. And remember--all of (y)our help comes from God.

Until next time.
Love, Peace, and Bacon Grease.

simply beautiful
.

Ain't that Peculiar?

a favorite quote:

"Change is painful, but pain is changeful!!"

thanks to my young fb friend, Colton for that word.

Be blessed.

simply beautiful
.

Pride and Joy!

Matt

Today is my baby's birthday. My 'pride and joy', my baby boy, my son, my friend, my little man. Today, he's reached a milestone. He's twenty years-old.
My son was born April 15th at 810pm weighing in at 8 pounds and 8 ounces, 20 1/2 inches long. Today, he's about 5'11, weighs around 185 pounds. And he is as handsome as ever. My how things have changed, and yet stay the same!
Happy Birthday, 'Baby Boy'!!! and many many many more!!!
Mom luvs u!!

Mercy, Mercy Me

Hi there! It's been a while since I've posted anything on the romantic tip, but today I have a little something for you. simply beautiful is simply enjoying some attention from the opposite sex. On last evening, a young man decided to flirt with me--openly. WoW. From previous posts, you might know that he's been flirting for a while, just not so openly. Anyway, as you know, I am single, and the mother of a bright, handsome, 2nd year college freshman. He is my only child--my Pride and Joy. ( I'll introduce him later) But for now, on to my experience. I went to an Easter celebration on last evening and had a very nice time, I might add. Usually my son and I sit together, but because he was with his group of friends, I sat a few rows behind him. You see, he doesn't want me to be too 'clingy'. So this young man took advantage of the open seat beside me and sat down before the event started. Then he turned on his 'charm' and flirted with me--my son didn't like it one bit, but he was gentleman enough not to let it show. Anyway, the young man moved before the event started. (he moved, but not far) So, since the seat was now open again, my son decided he needed to sit beside me. No, not just beside me--almost on top of me, throwing his arm around me and even saying that I was 'taken'. Now you know--as flattered as I was by all of this attention to little ole me, at the same time I was annoyed. First of all "Baby Boy", mom can take care of herself. I appreciate the fact that you don't want just anybody coming up to your mom, coming on to your mom, or treating mom just any old kind of way! Much obliged to you, son. Good looking out! But mom deserves to have some fun. I like to flirt--especially with one as good-looking as this guy. Yeah...he's got some quirks, but quirks are cute. Second of all, "Baby Boy", it's nice to know you're here if I need you--but I DON'T NEED U RIGHT NOW!! Disappear for a minute or two--let mom get her 'grown folk' on. ( Keep it clean, now...remember I have a vow of celibacy--I ain't getting the "grown married folk" on--just the 'grown folk'!! LOL!!) And third "Baby Boy", Mom loves you and always will. No matter who comes into my life, no matter what happens, my love for you does not change. The only change in fact, is that my love for you grows from day-to-day. Ain't nothing or nobody gonna be able to change that. TRUST!
In closing "Baby Boy", know this-- there's plenty of room for me to love you fully and fully love someone else too.

simply beautiful
.

Making Change Real

Let's get it on...let's make change a reality.
People, we are dying. Black people--men, women, and children-- from something that can be prevented. Learn to say no--and if you can't say no, use a condom. Educate yourself. Protect yourself. And LIVE.

THE STATE OF AIDS IN BLACK AMERICA 2009

http://www.blackaids.org

support the cause.

simply beautiful
.

Follow Your Dreams

Hey there!! I have an update to this blog entry posted on Feb. 28th.
This is the blog entry on how God has worked things out in my life. I'd answered the question "Has death ever threatened your dreams?" My answer is " Yes!, ButGod!" And here is part B of my testimony.
Now, everything is closer to official! I'm passing the 12hours I'm taking now and I've received a letter from the school which states: "We have reviewed your petition to 'walk' in this special event and we are pleased to inform you that you clearly meet the catalog requirements for such participation." Is it just me? or do you see a party in participation? Okay, so I still have 6 hours to complete. It'll take me all summer--but it's worth the time and the effort.

The Event: Texas Wesleyan University GraduationProgram
The big day: Friday, May 15th
the time: 7:00 p.m.
the place: Tarrant County Convention Center
downtown Fort Worth, TX

Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow!!

simply beautiful
.

What's Going On

Today, a friend of mine asked me about a matter of the heart. WoW. I must be growing up. :) So I got to thinking ( that's very dangerous, you know ) that she is not the only one going through this kind of thing...why not blog about it? Sorry, T you know once you talk to me it's on and popping. Her question was about an old flame that never quite died out...still flickering. Should she/or shouldn't she give it one more try? Well, I see it this way. He's an "X". Of the men I've put an "X" on, I put it there for a reason. You know, like, we weren't on the same intellectual level- all he wanted was sex- all he wanted to do was hang with his friends and say he had a girl- he didn't have a sense of humor (imagine that, a black man without a sense of humor...he was really dry...don't worry, Michael don't read my blog so he won't be affected by me revealing he's a stiff and a bore)-we just grew apart, well honestly I grew up and he grew stew-pid. These are just some of the reasons. But maybe, just maybe you have someone in your past that you're wondering...what if we try again? It's been a few years, you've both grown up and are now different people with goals and needs that may be different than they were then. So this is what I told my friend. First and foremost, pray about it. Meet the Man, before you meet the man. Ask God if this man is for you. Be specific when you pray--there's nothing to large, nothing too small to ask God about. This is your life and you don't want to miss an opportunity, neither do you want to make the wrong choice. Second, when you talk to this man--ask him what drives him back to you? Listen closely to his answer. If you're in person when you ask him, watch his body language. Does it match the words that are coming out of his mouth? And third..if he is really, truly wanting to get with you, is he praying for you? will he pray with you? If either answer is "no", tell him that simply beautiful said, "kick rocks, bro. My sistah deserves the best that God has to offer, and you ain't it!!"
In closing, treat yourself with dignity and respect. And any man that comes into your space will know that he must do the same.
Peace. Love. and bubblegum.
simply beautiful.
.

Can I Get a Witness?

Remembering Marvin:



What's Going On?

Closing the Month in Prayer

It's hard to believe it is the end of March 2009. We're moving right along into April. I believe there is no better way to close March and welcome April than with prayer. I thought about looking on the internet for a prayer by someone famous--but then I realized-- that's not important to God. He not only wants to hear what's on the hearts of Obama, Denzel, Angela or Michelle--( ooh that rhymes...LOL), but He wants to hear from me and from you, too.
So if you would? bow your heads and close your eyes...oh I guess that won't work, then you can't read my prayer. Well, humble yourselves and pray with me:

Most Gracious Heavenly Father,
Creator of all, there is none like You.
Forgive us for our sins.
Thank You for allowing a new day, a new month, a new season.
Awaken in us, dear Lord, the desire to be more like You.
We want to walk in Your way, Your truth, and Your light.
Stir up the gifts in us that we may use them to Your glory.
We give You honor and all the praise--
In Jesus Name.
Amen.

Stepping Out on Faith

Hi Ladies and Gents,
simply beautiful is stepping out on faith. There's a situation that's been going on in my life for a few months...I've put it off as much as I could becuz I was worried about what people would think and how they would react if I did a certain thing. I was worried about whether or not I would be accepted...if I'm good enough, pretty enough, smart enough. And I put all those negative thoughts, all that anxiety, and all that trivial stuff under my feet...and I'm walking on it! I've stepped out on that Hebrews eleven and one faith!

Look for an update soon. luv u!

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

simply beautiful
.
Half an update 3/19/09: Hebrews eleven and eleven {part c} reads: because she judge him faithful who had promised.

Word of encouragement: If God promised it, he is faithful AND he is able to do what he said.

sb

.

Testimony

I promised you a testimony. I worked with a young lady, a few years younger than myself. And she was going through. You know, being a single mom--deadbeat dad, bills, family issues and the like. Well, she was seeing about 3 or 4 guys...these were the ones she told me about. So when I say, 'seeing' --I mean she was sleeping with these guys. Some to release sexual tension, some so that he could help with a bill or two. She'd tell me about these encounters--basic stuff, no lewd details. She figured, "she'll never meet these guys". And she's right...I'll never meet them. But I was concerned--'what is this doing to her soul? what message is she sending to her child'? I never told her not to have relationships with these men...I just listened. I didn't judge her. I was her friend. When she needed a little help financially--I offered. She declined. But she let Tyrone buy her and child pizza and fill her car with gas. Mind you, Tyrone had threatened her about 3 weeks before via text message. She had to file a report with the cops. But here was Tyrone, giving her groceries and gas...and getting the goods. Why she let Tyrone help her, but she declined my help? I wouldn't even ask for the money back. I was hurt, but I didn't let her know it. I just listened and remained her friend. This was 2008. Roll into 2009, she calls me up--she's decided that '09 will be different. She's cut loose her 'friends with benefits' and she's straightening up her finances so she won't be dependent on 'friends'. So, my testimony--I never told her that I was celibate. She knows I'm a Christian and as such, there are certain things I don't do. I never talked down to her about what she was doing. I allowed her to talk and I listened. I never suggested she stop sleeping with these guys...but I prayed about it. And she came to a decision to become celibate herself, look for a good man to really love her and her child. She hasn't met him yet...but she's hopeful. I wonder if I made a difference? I'd like to think God used me in this situation to show her that He loves her and He cares. It's not about me. It's about Jesus.

P.S. as you know I usually don't name names. But Tyrone ( I wish I knew his last name) deserves to be blasted for coming to my girl's house at 2a.m. when her child was in bed asleep--scaring them by threatening her because she didn't return a phone call. And continuing this erratic behavior for 2 days--even at her 2nd place of employ. Tyrone, honey-- you'd better be glad simply beautiful don't know you--cuz she'd give you the business--- all the day long!!!

See Inside of Me- Celibacy Vow

Okay, so I'm attracted to this guy -- and at one point, I had the thought “hey, if he asks, why not have sex?” NO! Why not? Well, because I am celibate. Since this question came up, I had to look at why I became celibate. I think that it's odd that I became celibate before I became a Christian. ...isn’t that odd? I mean, most people would become a Christian and stop having sex (because of conviction.) But I wasn't even saved when I became celibate. I came to know Jesus as Saviour about 2 years after I chose to become celibate. I stopped having sex at the time because I wanted to be in a committed relationship. Not marriage, just a monogamous boyfriend/girlfriend thing would do. I also became celibate to avoid pregnancy, STI's, HIV/AIDS and the emotional baggage that comes with having sex before there's a commitment. But, notice I didn't say "marriage"? I just don’t like casual sex. It’s too casual. See just before I made this decision, I was giving--but what I wasn't getting what I really wanted. Oh, it's a pleasurable feeling for a bit, but once that goes away, then what? So. I stopped having sex. I made up my mind to not have sex, but if I'd met the 'right person' I would have had sex outside of marriage if I felt the commitment was 'strong' enough. WoW. I wonder what would have used as a measuring stick to determine the "strength of a commitment?" So, see that's where God comes in. He has a way of working things out that we don't understand at the time . I hadn't met anyone that I truly would want to have a sexual relationship with outside of marriage...until recently. Oh yeah, I'm being REAL. But that's good. I have met someone that I would like to have a sexual relationship with one day--and I'm searching myself. Will I compromise...or will I wait for marriage? Now that I am a Christian woman, ( and he is a Christian man...I couldn't deal with anyone else) I have to visit my vow of celibacy. My initial reasons for becoming celibate remain, but I've had to add some biblical principles as well! I'm looking for a man who is ready for a committed relationship, here today, tomorrow and the tomorrows after that 'til death do us part--In a word, marriage. He's got to know that I am not going to compromise myself or him in any way. I'm looking for a saved, employed, disease-free, goal-oriented, tall, slim-built man who prays and has faith in God --who is looking for a saved, disease-free, commitment ready, goal-oriented, short, 'fluffy' woman who prays, and trusts God.
To prepare myself, I've committed to being a Woman of God. I've committed to being obedient. And if God blesses me with a husband, I'll commit to being a wife. But right now, I am taking a most unpopular stand, even among some Christians. I am fully committed to maintaining my vow of celibacy.


Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." 1 Peter 1:13-16

Be blessed. Be holy.
.
simply beautiful
.

Living Single as a Christian

Hi Folks! Back again. I told you I would be studying. I found this wonderful website---www.jesusisthelight.net--- please check it out when you get a chance. I found some wonderful information there--not info I didn't know...I just had to be reminded. And re visiting that information has lifted a burden from my shoulders. So, I'll share with you what I've learned! Well--ok..my little disclaimer first. Be easy on your girl. I'm allowing you to see inside of me. And this ain't easy.
I admit. I'm struggling as a single. I've been single a long time and I don't want to stay single all my life--BUT, if I'm going to be single, then I want to be right. If God is preparing me for a mate, then I want him to be satisfied knowing that he has found a 'good thing'. As you know from my previous entries, there is someone that I'm interested in. He seems to be a nice guy, but I'm reluctant to start a relationship with him. What's the hold up? Me.

Why? Well, I ask myself "if I'm attracted to this man, what reason would I have to say no to sex?" I read somewhere--oh yeah...in my "Marriage and Family" class, the text we're reading is Marriage, a History...by Stephanie Coontz. Good reading. Well, the book tells the history of marriage from its beginnings, the church's role and societies thoughts on relationships, sex, etc. --anyway-- after the Enlightenment, men looked to women to be their 'moral compass' --you know, keep them in line as far as sexual urges. Which ties into what my Pastor said a couple or 3 weeks ago --that men need women to say "no". A man wants to know how far can he go. And he will definitely take a woman as far as she let him. Well, I've been down that 'yellow brick road' before. Uhhhh let's just say the trip wasn't all that bad...but the consequences for going...that's a whole 'nother thing! But even at that, why would I, or should I say 'no' to sex? That's a good question. I found good answers as well. Remember, I'm talking to me.

Number 1) I say I am a follower of Christ, yet if I am out in the world fornicating and carrying on like all of the lost people of the world, then I am not what I say I am. And I ain't fooling nobody but myself! If I've truly accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, then I should not still be ruled by my flesh! (AND, this goes back to the salt { see: "Get this in your Spirit on the sidebar to the right --> --> } cuz if I'm doing what you doing, then I've lost my flavor to influence you in the right way-- and oooh I have a testimony on this!! next blog, I promise...) Scripture tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:13b, 18, "Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is without (outside) the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body."
Number 2) If I have sexual relations with someone I'm not married to, a little bit of my soul dies in a way. I've given away something that is valuable and precious. I've given this person my wealth and my honor. And that's TOO MUCH. 1 Corinthians 6:20 reads: For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

Number 3) I am to keep my body. If I disrespect my body, so will others. If I don't respect my mind, body, soul, my very life as valuable, who else will? 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel (body) in sanctification and honor, not in lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which do not know God."
what's concupiscence? according to Merriam-Webster it means: a strong desire ; especially sexual desire.
The New Living Translation says: It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen (lust of concupisence), who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. { I had to add verse 6 of NLT...it's just too important to pass up.}

Now in my previous entry "Living Single", I talked a little about self-pleasuring. I'm getting out of the first person here...I'm talking to us now... This is 'self-abuse'. It's abuse because we are improperly handling something (our bodies and minds) that God entrusted to our care. We are taking our bodies and minds, the gifts that God gave us, and using them in a perverse manner. When self-pleasuring, you are defiling your mind with obscene thoughts and then defiling your body by using it to act out those thoughts. To "defile" something means "to make unclean, to make impure." Although the Bible does not speak on self-pleasuring, we do read this in Matthew 15:19-20a "For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications ...these are the things that defile a man."
Before you disagree--just think about it. Everything you do, starts in the mind with a thought. Self-pleasuring is no different--it starts with a thought, then you follow thru with an action. And then when that action no longer satisfies, the same thought leads to other actions...and another action--it grows like a rolling snowball. But, when you let the Son shine-- the snow melts!

And just one last word for any of you who are unbelievers. I know I probably get on your nerves, quoting Scripture and talking about the love of God, and Jesus is the Light... and so on...so there are two thoughts I'd like to leave with you. Ponder them if you will:

simply beautiful's actions don't save me. But, the fact that I am saved should show itself in my actions.

Secondly, God loves you and He has a plan for your life. Be forever blessed.

simply beautiful.

.

Still Living Single

Hello All! It's your girl again, Deeinda R. I just wanted to let you know since the last post I've been 'yet holding on'. I know, I know. It kinda sounded like I was throwing in the towel. But no.
I've been praying hard on this one. It's such a touchy topic with me--I'm going to take some time to study this topic further and I'll let you know what I come up with. This I know, God is good all the time. I expect He will answer--but until then, His grace is sufficient. I know He won't let me down. He never has...He never will. In the meantime and in between time, as the old folk say...I'm sending up my timbre...{ did I spell that right?!! : ) } and I'll get back at ya soon.

Much Luv 2 my singles...hold on....be strong!!!
simply beautiful... a.k.a. diamond in the rough (Deeinda R)
.

Living Single

Hey Y'all!! It's simply beautiful a.k.a. diamond in the ruff..sho nuff..talking stuff..too tuff not giving no bluff! LOL. Did that take you back to the '70's? LOL. I had a cousin that used to talk like that when I was a little girl. He used to tickle me. If you asked Dewey how he was doing...he'd come at ya with--"Flipping but not flying. Flying but not high"...some mess like that...I don't remember because I was too busy laughing!!

Okay, 'nuff of that! Today's topic is...Living Single. as a Christian. in 2009. wanting to date...but 2 scared. So you see why I didn't put all that on the title line. LOL. Where do I start? Well, let me get my disclaimer out the way. The part of me that's talking today is 'Diamond in the Rough'. She's straight-forward, shooting from the hip, may be right, may be wrong, but this is the truth as she sees it.. this is how she feels. Be patient with 'diamond' cuz Gaaawd is not thru with me yet!! I AM..With that said...I am a Saved, Single woman who is wishing to date a saved, single man. I even have one in mind. We attend the same church--I'm attracted to him, and he's attracted to me.

It's all good, right? Well, the only problem is approaching one another. He won't approach me. I think he wants me to approach him. That's not a problem....riiiiight? MMmm. I'm not so sure. You see, I don't want to look like a little trollop ho-monkey chasing a man...in church..in front of God, the Pastor and the Mother Board. So what do I do? Wait? I've been waiting! Say "hello". Yep--done that too. He's got the message. So what next? I'll revisit this one another time.

So...moving along... Say we get over this 'approach one another' hump? And we start to date. Thus my question. What is the proper way for a Christian couple to date? My Pastor has thrown out a couple bones...he says something like --make sure 'brother-man' takes me to a nice restaurant. No Chili's, no Johnny Carino's because I can do that myself. He needs to be sure to take me to a $50.00 per plate venue. Uh--really? And don't let 'brother-man' pick me up at my home. I drive myself to the restaurant, he drives himself--we meet there, have dinner, drive to our respective homes. Okay. That sounds good. But what else? I mean...really. I ain't trying to break a brother. I know I'm a healthy sistah, but I don't want to spend every date going out to eat. And even at that, $50.00 a plate would be a once in a while thing. I like other things too. like a walk in the park, going to live plays, live music--church musicals, jazz, etc. I like art shows, basketball, movies, arcades. I like the Main Street Art Fest each April in downtown Fort Worth. I like book fairs, shopping, car shows---I have a variety of interests. And regarding this dating thing I have a variety of questions. For example, 'Is it okay to hold hands? I would think so. I think it's sweet to see a couple holding hands. It's a gesture of intimacy without being lewd. How about kissing? OOOOoo I miss kissing. And I don't mean that brother/sister kiss on the cheek. And how much further than kissing is okay? Now, don't get me twisted....'diamond' is celibate and has been for a minute--okay longer than a minute--much longer. a really, really long minute strung together into years. okay. And she intends to stay celibate, because I'm a Lady. And as a Lady, I want to keep myself. I want to keep myself for my own self-worth. I want to keep myself for my future man. But most importantly, not only for myself and for my future man...but for God. Because God's word says: What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 1Cor6:19 (KJV).

Don't you feeel the eruption? Can you tell the questions are just rising up? Can't you just see the 'but'. Yeah. Well here it is. But, what about these desires that I have? What about the longings I have? I love having a man's arms around me. I miss having a man touch me. I want someone to kiss, to hold and to love. I don't like being single, alone and lonely. (And yes please, I'd love some cheese with this whine!!!) What about these issues? It has not been totally easy being single and celibate for all of this time. The church tells us singles that in order to be 'good Christians', we MUST NOT have sex outside of marriage. I got that. We MUST NOT masturbate. I got that, too. We MUST stay clear of any thing and all things sexual. Okay, then what can we do? Others begin to see the singles in church as asexual. WRONG!! Many of us are NOT ASEXUAL. For those who don't know, asexual is individuals who do not experience sexual attraction, experience little sexual attraction, or lack interest in or the desire for sex. THIS DOES NOT DESCRIBE ME!! NO WAY!! Believe me, I have needs, I want sex. I cannot just flip a switch to turn off the desire to be intimate with the opposite sex. But church singles are treated as though we are satisfied, or should be satisfied in our situation. And don't get me wrong...some of us are. To each his/her own!! I was satisfied with not being attracted to anyone, for a while. But something about that changed. And for those like me, those who are very sensual individuals-- what do we do? Did I hear someone say 'Pray'. That's a good answer. A very good answer. Prayer works. Prayer changes people and prayer changes things. I've done the prayer. Now what? 'Trust God for a mate?' Yeah. Doing that, too. My mate is on his way. So, what next? "Wait on God". Yeah. I'm waiting....and waiting....and waiting. He's an on time God. No doubt. My time is not His time. I'm not making excuses. It seems like it when I say what I'm about to say next, but really no excuse... But I am human. And as a human, I have needs and desires. Is that wrong? I mean...God gave me the desire for companionship, the longing for love, and a sex drive...right? Right. He sure did. What do I do with these desires until my man comes and we date and decide to get married? Will I really burn in hell for self pleasuring? Should I resort to finding a friend with benefits? Now really, honestly, I don't want to do either--but I've got to release this sexual frustration somehow!! And exercise? Really, how much exercise I can get before I start to look like the Incredible Hulk?

And one last thing. This is the one thing that really gets me. Married folks who talk to singles about 'refrain from this and refrain from that'. Yeah, right. How you gonna tell me to refrain and you're getting your sexual needs met on the regular? How you gonna tell me to hold out and hold on and be a 'good Christian' if you ain't been where I am? And if you can't feel me on this---then I don't want to hear from you. Let me hear from someone who knows. For I believe the Word of the Lord and I know that there's gotta be something else besides sexual frustration for the Christian single over 30. There's got to be. The desires get stronger...and want to take over...I and many singles like me, need help.

God, please, are you listening? We need help!!!

I need help!!

simply beautiful's inner girl-- diamond in the rough. sho nuff.

If sexing him is wrong....show me a more excellent way. I want to be right.
.

Getting SexXy Back?!!!

Everybody's talking about 'Getting SexXy Back". Well, I admit...I cannot feel you on that one. I'll have you know that I don't have to get my sexXy back, cuz MY SExXY NEVER LEFT!!!

simply beautiful.
.

The Atheist

An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!' What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river,he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him..
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him...

At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped.The bear froze.The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?
'Very well,' said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

Good Morning, Sunshine!

An email conversation with my cousin "K" this morning.

from me:
G' morning, Sunshine! What's up? How was your weekend? Mine went well. Let me tell you what happened yesterday...I had someone flirting hard with me at church. My son was sitting next to me and he picked up on it before I did...and then when we got home..little man was LIVID!! Girl, I ain't never seen nothing so funny...I mean, my son was HOT!! Reminded me of the movie "Baby Boy" when tyrese mama was dating old dude. (LOL)..my son was ranting "why he have to sit so close?and this guy was trying so hard to get your attention!...blah...blah"
So we talked last night on the way back to school....he actually shut down on me...he say he's not mad at me...he just didn't want to talk about it. I guess he finds it hard to believe that someone would find me attractive. I told him that no matter if I decide to date or whatever--my love for him doesn't change. I'm kind of torn..yeah, I want to see this guy--but I don't want my son feeling like he's gonna be left out..I didn't date while he was coming up because I didn't want him getting attached to someone and then the relationship not work...any suggestions? I'm praying...

"K"
(Now )as for this situation with your son.. Quite naturally he is going to react like that because it has only been the two of you for so long!! However, you have done a fine job in raising him and he is in college doing what it takes to become successful. It is time you did some things for yourself.. Your son has been your boyfriend and son for far too long!If it were me I would explain t and reassure him that your love for him will never change but there is nothing wrong with you having a guy friend.. And move on.. One day He’s going to find someone that he likes too and move on.. Then what.. life and time will have passed you on by..Girl please I know that’s your baby but you need to get out SERIOUSLY!.. Let me tell you I have a friend situation kind of similar..She and her son were always together did everything together most like you and your son..He was her date when she went to the movies etc. and What’s crazy is she had a man for the most part… I mean the guy she was dating I think they met when her son was about 13 so up until then it was just them.. Even after she met this guy she and her son still did almost everything together and when they all started living together then it was the 3 of them doing everything together..To make a long story short… when her son got of age and moved away with his girlfriend she was hurt.. She and the guy have split up some what for other reasons but because she has no life outside of them she is now at home alone and lonely…. Nothing wrong with having great love for your son/kids but hell at the same time there’s nothing wrong with dating and you should not let your kid stand in the way of that especially when he’s damn near grown! You have got to find time for yourself and mingle because kids move on and get over things..Trust me..

me

I appreciate your response. I know I told him the right thing. I explained to him --when he comes home for the holidays, he'll go out with his friends and leave me at the house alone. The first time I was a little mad--I had to check myself!!...but I got over it--I mean, he's entitled to going out with friends and so am I . I don't want him up under me all the time !! I also told him that one day he'll find someone special..whether dating or marry...and then what does he expect me to do? Just sit around and knit? ...No --I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone! I want companionship too. He thinks its all about sex... I guess that's one thing men worry about... their own mothers having sex...I can relate. I think he just needs time to adjust to the idea. I'd been telling him about this guy flirting with me--and he told me it was my imagination..he really put a guilt trip on me... but no more..he saw for himself that I'm not chasing this guy...he's chasing me! And I'm glad it happened that way..my son just needs a little time to let it sink in...then I'll start dating. But I ain't giving him a lot of time...just a week or so--smile--Thanks for your input. You should continue to date and do your thing! Your kids have each other to keep company. If I would have had more than one child, I think I would've dated also. I chose my route --though difficult...I don't think I would change it. I have to remember, I told God that I'd wait until my son is older and able to take care of himself before I would move on with my personal life..and He granted that. So, I can't complain.

"K"
Yeap I agree totally.. and you’re right it’s just the reality of having to adapt to the idea that probably hit hard.. I mean it’s a huge and sudden change so who wouldn’t be concerned about their mother.. It’s natural.. But it’s up to us as mothers to make sound decisions as to how we are going to handle these type situations.. So when you gonna go on a date? And what was this guy talking about Sunday.. are you attracted to him? Have you told aunt Bobbie about him?

me
OMG!!! Dang!! all the questions...Is he gonna have to get your stamp of approval too? LOL...will answer the rest in a second....too busy laughing right now!!!!

"K"

YEAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Na gurl!! I know you enough to know that you wouldn’t waste your time with trash so I’m sure he’s a nice guy. What’s so funny? I’m serious and curious!

me
You just had all these questions at once. I didn't think I'd have to get your approval too.
Yeah...he's tall and slim...yes, I'm attracted to him..not talking about much--just chit-chat and we don't have a date yet. What I'd like is for them to get along and be comfortable being around one another.

in closing...this is the conversation I had with my cousin this morning concerning a young man at church who has been flirting with me for quite a while. My son had been telling me that it was my imagination and that this guy could not possibly be interested in me. I know that my child loves me and that he has my best interest at heart. I'm his first girl--and my cousin is right..he has been my substitute date for many years. But I don't regret the time I've spent with him. I believe we are very close as a mother and son. I encourage my son to talk to me about ANY and EVERY THING. Sex, girls, cars, clothes, boobs, vaginas, penises, guys, music, religion, family issues, drugs, war, politics, guns, pornography, homosexuality, HIV/AIDS, condoms, menstrual cycles...hell...we've talked about it all and then some. So it was very alarming to me when he would not talk to me about this subject at all! There's only a couple of things I can do.
1) is Pray. and 2) is give time, time.
So while he's trying to wrap his mind around the idea of his mom dating again...I'll be dating.
Thanks "K" for being open, honest, a bit brutal, but all true. Girl, you are the shiznit!!

simply beautiful--
.

Follow Your Dreams

Good Evening!

I promised you a blog entry on how God has worked things out in my life. In the previous blog entry I asked "Has death ever threatened your dreams?" My answer is " Yes! But God!" I also said there is a testimony in every test! And here is my testimony.
When I graduated high school, I went straight into college. I attended the University of Texas at Arlington and did well in my core courses. But I really didn't know what I wanted to major in. I'd chosen Accounting, but not really knowing what I wanted to do. I just picked it because a cousin of mine had studied it. And I stuck with it as long as I could--but failing class after class until I was placed on academic suspension. I didn't have the sense to just change my major to something I liked and could handle.
Well, fast forward a few years. After I stopped attending UTA I worked full-time--I mean what else was there? A few years into that I found myself with child. I gave birth to my son--all the time holding on to the dream that one day I would finish the degree I started a few years before. Well, a few years turned in to many years. I tried going back to school when my son was a toddler, then again while he was in elementary school, but neither time worked. I was working full time during the day, and my son needed me at home at night. But I didn't give up--I still held fast to the dream and prayed. At times, it seemed I wouldn't ever have a chance. At other times, I was hopeful. God gave me a dream. He gave me a desire to finish my degree.
Forward again to 2005. My son was in high school, becoming more self-reliable and independent. So, I decided to try it again. I decided to enroll at Tarrant County College and finish my science requirements, take a couple of electives and even took a Sociology class--just to see if I'd like it...and fell in love. I'd found my niche.
My sociology professor suggested to the class that we take other sociology classes and even transfer to Texas Wesleyan University, his alma mater. I'd never even considered TWU, even though it is close to home and the sociology department is one of the finest. Well, I prayed about applying and decided to give it a try. You see, since I hadn't done well at UTA, I figured that no other college would accept me. The application process was a bit unnerving. I had to request a transcript from my previous colleges--and looking at the transcript from UTA was painful. But I kept hearing God say He was making a way for me. A couple of weeks went by and I received a letter from TWU. They were still trying to decide whether to admit me or not. They wanted a statement from me-- a one page letter telling something about myself, my accomplishments, my hopes and dreams. I don't recall exactly what I put in the letter, but I decided to be as real and transparent as I could. The thought that came to mind was "to thine own self be true". I looked at my life with a critical but fair eye. I admitted to myself first that there are areas where I am/was weak. I admitted to myself first, the mistakes I'd made and my shortcomings. Then, I asked God to show me a more excellent way. I looked at ways that I could strengthen my weaknesses and overcome my shortcomings. I gave them a short intro of who I am--a hard worker, a single mother, employed full-time with the same company for 7 years ( at that time ), and that I'd returned to TCC and had made decent grades. I admitted that I hadn't done well while at UTA, however I had been working hard over the last 2 years--holding full time employment, being a single mom, and attending school. I was convinced that I could continue to do well if I were allowed the opportunity to attend TWU. I ended the letter with a quote from Michael Jordan. This quote moved me--it explain my situation in a nutshell and gave me hope to move forward. I'd found it while composing the letter and it has helped me to keep my head up over the last 2 years. Mike said, "You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them." This was a very powerful statement to me because I came to realize that if I am to attain my dream of achieving a college degree, first I need to BELIEVE that it can happen, and second EXPECT that I can do it.
Well, my letter convinced the board at TWU to give me a shot. I received a phone call about 3 weeks later that I'd been accepted as a transfer student to Texas Wesleyan. I shared this information with my brother the next day. It was to be the last good news I shared with him before he passed away one week later. Bittersweet.
Even though I lost my brother, my best friend, my confidant....I knew that I still had to attend TWU. He would want me to. He knew my struggle in college and my heart's desire to return and finish my degree. He was proud of me...and he said so.
Now, it's 2009. I have completed 27 college hours. I have made A's, B's and couple of C's and have a GPA of 3.85 in my major. I am taking 12 hours this semester--which means that in May I will have a total of 39 hours--6 hours shy of the 45 hours needed by transfer students for graduation. TWU has a stipulation that if a senior is within 6-8 hours of graduation in the Spring, said senior may participate in the ceremony in May. Guess what y'all?!!

SAID SENIOR (that's me) IS WALKING IN MAY!!!

I can finish the last 6 required hours in the summer. Now, everything is not official yet. I have to pass the 12hours I'm taking now and make sure that any fees, etc. are paid in full. But, I firmly believe that if God brings me to it, He will see me through it! So there it is...my test in my testimony. I started out with many strikes against me, being full of fear, doubt and uncertainty. But I had a dream. And I have a God who makes dreams come to reality, even when you think that the dream is dead. So hold on--be strong--it's only a test!

my dream is yet alive

attaining a Bachelors of Arts and Sciences in Sociology 2009 Texas Wesleyan University, Fort Worth, TX.

simply beautiful
.

It's Just a Process!

Yesterday's blog is still on my mind, which I guess is really a good thing. I am such a private person--so for me to open up about what I'm going through is a big thing for me. I may have given way too much truth. I've heard it said that the truth shall set (me) free. But, I'm really uneasy about this-- I don't want you to see me in a bad light, but at the same time I need you to know that I, too go through. I don't want you to feel bad for me...I do that enough for myself...But I hope you will pray for simply beautiful. As she can always use prayer. Now only pray if you stand in agreement with me. And standing in agreement with me is simply asking God that His will, His plans and preparations are carried out in my life. Thanks! I really love and appreciate you!!
Now, on to today. It's a good day--I cried my last tears yesterday (thank you MaryMary) over this situation. I realize that God is moving me to a place that I would not be able to handle until I go through this test...this trial...experience this pressure, pain ...and endure the fire. Speaking of going through, I got an email yesterday from a close friend ( thanks Dee), regarding precisely that...going through. It's called It's Just a Process. And I want to highlight a few sentences and comment throughout. You know simply beautiful always has something to say and I say it boldly. (in bold print, that is)
" Have you, in your life, experienced tragedy? Maybe a close relative passed away ? (yes) Have you ever been the topic of discussion or rumors? (yes, again) People sat around and talked bad about you. (And not just any people--family members, church folk, and so called friends) Have you ever endured betrayal ?(yep-- been there,too) The one person you thought could be trusted, a close friend, a mate, a parent even, left you to “die” alone.( yeah, each parent at different times-- and that really hurt!) Ughm. Have you ever been deceived ? You had good intentions but the enemy tricked you. (yeah, just plain ol' mani-pu-dipted, chile! the parents, again) Have you ever questioned your calling? ( yes. and shame on me!) Have you ever walked away from a promise? (trying my best not to do that right now!!) Have you ever experienced depression or loneliness? ( way too often ) Has death ever threatened your dreams? ( yes, but God bought my dreams back to life! I'll give that testimony in another blog) Hmmmmm...yes it's in these times when believing seems harder than giving up. (don't I know it!!) Through all you have experienced in life, you must understand this important point: Whatever you are currently going through : It's Just A Process! "
Now, I've learned some things about the Process. I'll share 6 important points to remember:

• Your trouble will only last a season... a season could be 24hrs, a week, a month...a year,15 years-- maybe longer. Know this--God is with you. He never allows you to endure the battle alone. One of my favorite quotes is: "If He brings you to it, He'll see you through it!"
• Trouble's not designed to kill you-- It can't . Although the enemy thinks it will, God will not allow it. While watching one of my son's favorite cartoons I heard the main character say that 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.' Wisdom from a cartoon? umph imagine that?!
• Everything happens for a reason. You may not see the reason. You may not even understand. It's not meant for you to see or understand. What God wants from you is called 'trust'. How many times have you sang in church "I will trust in the Lord!...I will trust in the Lord!...til I die...." Well, now is the time, trust in Him!
• You will make it! Have no fear. No matter how awful it appears, you will make it because God has equipped you to make it. Tests and trials are the process God allows in order to move you from where you are now to where He has ordained for you to be. The Word says it like this-- Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Psalm 23:4 Remember the test or trial is what you're going through--i.e. the valley of the shadow of death... ( as in a journey), not where you're going to (as in a destination. Also notice that the valley does not have a name, just a description.)
• God will get the glory. Although you are going through...really it's not about you. It's about God using you to advance His Kingdom.

A Final Word: God has to try us by fire and/or extreme pressure--much like what's involved in processing gold and diamonds. The first step is to burn off the impurities in us, which in gold separates the lesser metals (the impure) from the fine metal (the pure). And look, think about how a diamond comes about--the black coal on the outside (sin in us) only gives way when it's put under extreme pressure (resistance-- like from the Word of God which convicts us). The pressure we go through removes impurities, molds, and shapes us into the image of our Father and reveals His brilliant light that shines and sparkles on the inside of us. God allows trials and tribulations in our lives so that He can move us to the next level in Him. So when the heat is up, and you're pressured on every side, be encouraged-- it's Just a Process. Yes, we will resist, it's only natural because we're human, but don't miss the lesson in the trial. Learn to give thanks in every thing and in every season. Realize that in every testimony, there's a test! Be blessed!!

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you!

1Thess 5:18

simply beautiful.

.

A Season for Change

Hi! It's been a few days since I've posted. Rest assured, I'm always around. I've just been busy with work, school, internship and church--getting about 3-4 hours of sleep each night. And on top of that, fighting a cold on last week. Whew...simply beautiful is simply worn-out. But, my soul is renewed! It all started with an email I got this morning from Tyler Perry. I love getting those emails because he is always right on time with the Word. No matter what he seems to be going through at the time, he has a word that is on the money for me. I often wonder, 'how does he do that?' The same word that works for him in his situation, works for me in my situation. I'll tell you how that works--it's a God thing. In His infinite wisdom, He's worked it out that way. So, I'll share with you a snippet of TP's word that helped me on today. If you've read it before, just pretend like you haven't--hopefully I'll be able to put a spin on it that will make it new again. Tyler wrote: "When I think about how close I came to giving up... When I think about all the hell I went through to get here...When I think about all the people who told me I wasn't going to be anything...To know that (someone) stands shoulder to shoulder with me--God, that makes me feel good. There is a simple scripture in the Bible that I think about often, and it says when you have favor with God then you have favor with man. I hope somebody is paying attention to this. Not the number one movie, not the TV shows, not the studio, but simply paying attention to the fact that all things are possible to them that will believe. No matter what is going on in your life. No matter what you're faced with. ONLY BELIEVE! Believe for the best outcome and that's what you will receive." Tyler Perry

I cried when I read this. You see, nobody knows what I'm going through. I haven't told anyone. If I told you how I live, you wouldn't believe me. If I told you what I go through, just to make it day to day-you'd think I was lying. If I showed you, you'd cry and ask me why I do it. Right now I have no choice. It is a burden to have no alternatives. I'm sure I'm not the only one--but right now I feel like it. I can feel the words Tyler wrote, I literally see them--because it's me. I have been close--many times-- to giving up. There are days that I tell God that I just want to walk away and leave everything and everyone behind. You don't know the hell that I've been through, that I'm going through sharing this with you. My only sibling, my older brother died in June 2007--sometimes I'm fine..sometimes I grieve like he died today. My parents are no longer together, something that's been a looong time coming, but only came about because my brother died. Nobody talks about the pain--of losing my brother nor of my parents' separation. Nobody talks about the future--will my parents divorce already? or will they continue with the charade as if they are together and a happy family? I'm being really transparent and allowing you to see inside of me, which is quite difficult. I know that I could not make it from day to day if I didn't have God in my life. If I didn't have my son, I'd have nothing to live for. There are days that I double over--not because of some physical ailment that causes me pain--but from the pain in my soul. I am sometimes overtaken with grief and the pain inside. I am the familys' 'appointed' peacemaker, the mediator that no one listens to--and it is a burden. But, I go on as if it doesn't matter. I smile through the pain. I cry and wipe away my tears to put on yet another smile for another day. I hold my head high and keep walking like I don't have a care in the world. But underneath it all, my head hurts and my heart aches.

But, God is good and His mercy endures forever. God has given me a promise-- and He is preparing me for the next thing that comes into my life. I've got to move on, move out and move up. The next step in my life requires it. I can't stay where I am and receive the things I'm to receive. I must put new wine in new wineskins, for God has opened doors for me. He's a light unto my path, or in today's language, He's "mapquested" my route. Now all I have to do is walk. I have His favor. And He will use somebody, somewhere to offer their influence, finances, gifts and abilities that will allow me to fulfill the purpose that He has for me!

Before I close, let me remind you: Live. Love. Laugh. and don't forget to pee.

simply beautiful

.

Get this in your Spirit!!

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than it does for itself. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always 'me first', doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when others grovel. Love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies. 1Corinthians 13:4-8

Ten Things I'd Like To Do

Hello My Sweet Peas!! simply beautiful has had a wonderful day and she is simply excited!!Things are going well and I'm getting set for May. Before I get ahead of myself, I'll be making that announcement soon. But today, I just wanted to share my 'wish list'. There are some things I'd like to do, some places I'd like to go, and some experiences I'd like to experience in my life. These are my goals in random order:

1. Travel to New York. I'd like to ride the subway, visit Times Square, and see the Alvin Ailey Dance Troup. I'd like to visit the gravesite of Malcolm X while I'm there and go to Harlem. and Travel to Washington, DC. again. I wanna see the Obamas. and Travel to Atlanta, Hawaii, California, the Caribbean, and Canada. and International Travel to Europe, Africa, Australia, and other exotic places.

2. Further my education.

3.Date. Marry. Have sex. ( in that order ) yeah it sounds a bit primitive doesn't it? This is where I am. I'm just keeping it real.

4.Become a proud homeowner.

5.Learn to cook gumbo like Mrs. K.

6. Buy a Chevy Tahoe. fully loaded. without blinking or batting an eye.

7. Make a difference in a child's life. Help them get to, stay in, and finish college.

I'd like to see a child realize his/her dreams.

8. I'd like to view the earth from outer space. Yeah. really.

9. I'd like more than a job--but an adventure. I want 2 love what I do and be able to make a living at it.

10. It's my dream to find something to do with those pesky plastic shopping bags that clutter empty lots hanging in trees, bushes, and floating in lakes.

Well, here's my short list- diverse, serious and whimsical. Some of these are already in the works. And others I'll need to get started on in the near future. I encourage you to make a list. Be as wild and creative as you like. Think of life as a game. When you want to have fun, you take the game out of the box. So, keep this in mind when you make your list, think outside the box. Because outside the box is where the fun is!

Addendum: The Tahoe has been replaced. Outside of the box is the fully loaded Lincoln Navigator--leather seats, moon roof, Voice Activated Navigation System with integrated SIRIUS® Travel Link, etc, etc...