Okay, 'nuff of that! Today's topic is...Living Single. as a Christian. in 2009. wanting to date...but 2 scared. So you see why I didn't put all that on the title line. LOL. Where do I start? Well, let me get my disclaimer out the way. The part of me that's talking today is 'Diamond in the Rough'. She's straight-forward, shooting from the hip, may be right, may be wrong, but this is the truth as she sees it.. this is how she feels. Be patient with 'diamond' cuz Gaaawd is not thru with me yet!! I AM..With that said...I am a Saved, Single woman who is wishing to date a saved, single man. I even have one in mind. We attend the same church--I'm attracted to him, and he's attracted to me.
It's all good, right? Well, the only problem is approaching one another. He won't approach me. I think he wants me to approach him. That's not a problem....riiiiight? MMmm. I'm not so sure. You see, I don't want to look like a little trollop ho-monkey chasing a man...in church..in front of God, the Pastor and the Mother Board. So what do I do? Wait? I've been waiting! Say "hello". Yep--done that too. He's got the message. So what next? I'll revisit this one another time.
So...moving along... Say we get over this 'approach one another' hump? And we start to date. Thus my question. What is the proper way for a Christian couple to date? My Pastor has thrown out a couple bones...he says something like --make sure 'brother-man' takes me to a nice restaurant. No Chili's, no Johnny Carino's because I can do that myself. He needs to be sure to take me to a $50.00 per plate venue. Uh--really? And don't let 'brother-man' pick me up at my home. I drive myself to the restaurant, he drives himself--we meet there, have dinner, drive to our respective homes. Okay. That sounds good. But what else? I mean...really. I ain't trying to break a brother. I know I'm a healthy sistah, but I don't want to spend every date going out to eat. And even at that, $50.00 a plate would be a once in a while thing. I like other things too. like a walk in the park, going to live plays, live music--church musicals, jazz, etc. I like art shows, basketball, movies, arcades. I like the Main Street Art Fest each April in downtown Fort Worth. I like book fairs, shopping, car shows---I have a variety of interests. And regarding this dating thing I have a variety of questions. For example, 'Is it okay to hold hands? I would think so. I think it's sweet to see a couple holding hands. It's a gesture of intimacy without being lewd. How about kissing? OOOOoo I miss kissing. And I don't mean that brother/sister kiss on the cheek. And how much further than kissing is okay? Now, don't get me twisted....'diamond' is celibate and has been for a minute--okay longer than a minute--much longer. a really, really long minute strung together into years. okay. And she intends to stay celibate, because I'm a Lady. And as a Lady, I want to keep myself. I want to keep myself for my own self-worth. I want to keep myself for my future man. But most importantly, not only for myself and for my future man...but for God. Because God's word says: What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 1Cor6:19 (KJV).
Don't you feeel the eruption? Can you tell the questions are just rising up? Can't you just see the 'but'. Yeah. Well here it is. But, what about these desires that I have? What about the longings I have? I love having a man's arms around me. I miss having a man touch me. I want someone to kiss, to hold and to love. I don't like being single, alone and lonely. (And yes please, I'd love some cheese with this whine!!!) What about these issues? It has not been totally easy being single and celibate for all of this time. The church tells us singles that in order to be 'good Christians', we MUST NOT have sex outside of marriage. I got that. We MUST NOT masturbate. I got that, too. We MUST stay clear of any thing and all things sexual. Okay, then what can we do? Others begin to see the singles in church as asexual. WRONG!! Many of us are NOT ASEXUAL. For those who don't know, asexual is individuals who do not experience sexual attraction, experience little sexual attraction, or lack interest in or the desire for sex. THIS DOES NOT DESCRIBE ME!! NO WAY!! Believe me, I have needs, I want sex. I cannot just flip a switch to turn off the desire to be intimate with the opposite sex. But church singles are treated as though we are satisfied, or should be satisfied in our situation. And don't get me wrong...some of us are. To each his/her own!! I was satisfied with not being attracted to anyone, for a while. But something about that changed. And for those like me, those who are very sensual individuals-- what do we do? Did I hear someone say 'Pray'. That's a good answer. A very good answer. Prayer works. Prayer changes people and prayer changes things. I've done the prayer. Now what? 'Trust God for a mate?' Yeah. Doing that, too. My mate is on his way. So, what next? "Wait on God". Yeah. I'm waiting....and waiting....and waiting. He's an on time God. No doubt. My time is not His time. I'm not making excuses. It seems like it when I say what I'm about to say next, but really no excuse... But I am human. And as a human, I have needs and desires. Is that wrong? I mean...God gave me the desire for companionship, the longing for love, and a sex drive...right? Right. He sure did. What do I do with these desires until my man comes and we date and decide to get married? Will I really burn in hell for self pleasuring? Should I resort to finding a friend with benefits? Now really, honestly, I don't want to do either--but I've got to release this sexual frustration somehow!! And exercise? Really, how much exercise I can get before I start to look like the Incredible Hulk?
And one last thing. This is the one thing that really gets me. Married folks who talk to singles about 'refrain from this and refrain from that'. Yeah, right. How you gonna tell me to refrain and you're getting your sexual needs met on the regular? How you gonna tell me to hold out and hold on and be a 'good Christian' if you ain't been where I am? And if you can't feel me on this---then I don't want to hear from you. Let me hear from someone who knows. For I believe the Word of the Lord and I know that there's gotta be something else besides sexual frustration for the Christian single over 30. There's got to be. The desires get stronger...and want to take over...I and many singles like me, need help.
God, please, are you listening? We need help!!!
I need help!!
simply beautiful's inner girl-- diamond in the rough. sho nuff.
If sexing him is wrong....show me a more excellent way. I want to be right.