Take it from me...you betta aks him!!

One of my favorite bloggers touched on a subject that is near and dear to me. He talked about dating and relationships as a single parent. This came about in light of the recent tragedy in the Jennifer Hudson family. He went on to discuss how he dates discreetly and doesn't involve his kids. I agree with the brotha wholeheartedly. I am a single mom of a male-child. I found it interesting how men would almost approach me...that is until he would see my son bounding towards me like a St. Benard--no offense sweetie--mumm loves her little 'poo-poo'. So once brotha man got a glimpse of the teen-age 'man of the house', he would quickly lose interest and turn the other way. Hey--no problem. I'd rather know up front when a brotha can't deal with a woman who has a child. It saves the both of us some time and probably heartache and handcuffs! But back to the blog by my big brotha. He said there are several questions that have to be asked prior to dating and allowing his date to meet his kids. I say, 'Right on, my Brotha! You should really read his blog in its entirety. It's really informative. http://www.theroot.com/id/48593.


Now, I came up with some questions of my own about 7 or 8 months ago. I'm thinking about getting back into the dating scene after a loooong absence. I got to thinking about things, and decided upon these questions to ask a potential date. Now keep in mind, some of these questions are asked upon first meeting and some are saved for later dates. Use at your own discretion.

Question number 1. Does he KNOW Jesus? Is Jesus in him? Does Jesus KNOW him? Okay I know that looks like 3 questions, but really it ain't but ONE. Do you love the Lord EVERYday? Or just on Sunday? Or whenever it looks like you should? ( again with the multiple ONE question..same subject.)
2. Do you hit women? ( No, not Jesus, silly. aks man you thinking about getting with!)
3. Do you respect women? Do you even like women? (you'd be surprised by some of the issues our brothas are walking around with. Just AKS the question!!)
4. Do you like men, too? Uh, you know what I mean..don't need no down low.
5. Do you like kids? Do you have any kids? If so, how many?
6. Are you violent? Have you been told you have a bad temper? scary? Weird? Potential stalker? Again, it looks like more than one question, but it ain't!! Walk with me now.

I really, really like the way big brotha put it. He say:

Are you psychotic in any measurable way?—I know. It seems too
forward. But you'll be surprised at people that will just come out and tell you that they are not right in the head. We all have emotional problems—it's part of the human condition. But you can't fix people. They have to fix themselves. There's crazy, wacky and there's crazy, CRAZY. I don't know about you, but I don't need crazy in my life. Crazy, I got.

7. Do you want a wife or are you looking for another 'mama'?
8. Are you financially stable?
9. If I introduced you to someone I respect and trust, what do you think they would think of you? Ohhh that's good!!
Now this one is my son's question. I tell you, my child a fool!!
10. Where was your um--penis-- on May 3, 1980? How about last month? Last week? Last night, even?
11. Do you have a current or ex wife? Have you ever been close to marriage? But didn't? and if so,what happened?
12. Why did you choose to date me?What do you expect from me? And why? Yea-gur..ask him WHY?!! Big brotha puts it this way:

What are your intentions?—Are we just dancing, or are we moving toward something? If not, there's no reason for you to meet my kids.

13. Where do you expect to be one year from now? 5 years? 10 years? Does any of your future planning include me? Again, big brotha says it this way:

Got any life plans?—"What's a life plan?" Right. NEXT.

Now, I thought I asked some really good questions until I saw my big brothas list. I left off some important ones--but I'm including those questions and his comments here:
Do you dope or drink?—
Do you have any felonies?—Especially violent ones. Sex offenses count.
Are you on probation?
Are you employable?—can you at least get a job at Wendy's so you can afford a taxi if I have to kick you out for acting crazy around my kids? FOR REAL. Not only ask if he is employable, but sistas, ask if he's employed. There's nothing like getting in front of the movie theater, 20 minutes away from the hottest movie ever and you find out that the brotha you invited is expecting you to pay--because you asked him out and besides he ain't got no job, so he ain't got no money. humph--ain't that some shiggidy?!! I'd go in by myself and leave him standing there!
Do you vote?—No? NEXT.

Now, one word of advice, girls. You're asking the questions, no doubt, but don't be afraid to answer them as well. If this man is on point, he'll be asking you the same questions anyway. If he ain't--then you might want to re-think that dating thang!

Be Cautious, my Lady Friends--and be Blessed.

That One

In seven days we will find out which candidate will be our new Commander-in-Chief. November 4, 2008 will be an important day in U.S. history. The first African-American has been unanimously nominated by the Democratic party to run for president. Barack 'That One' Obama, is blazing an impressive trail for himself, his family, for black people, and for this country. Everywhere he goes, people seem to love him. I know that I do. He's smart, articulate, and charming. He commands respect and he holds ones attention. And not to forget to mention that he's tall, slim, and he's easy on the eyes. Yes, indeed--easy on the eyes.

But, unfortunately in 2008, America is still a very dangerous country for a black man. Just this year, a young man, Brandon McClelland of Paris, TX was drug to his death behind a pick-up truck. His story is very reminiscent of the event in which James Byrd, Jr. of Jasper, TX was murdered. This makes me wonder how many incidents that stem from racial hate have occurred in the United States that have not received any major press? Not just against African-Americans, but Asian, Hispanic, or Indian- Americans? How many of my brothers and sisters in this day and age have lost their lives simply because of the color of their skin? Now Senator Obama may not be able to change these incidences, however I hope that because of his high visibility, these crimes will come to light and to justice.

If Senator Obama should win the presidency, he will not be able to change America or the world overnight. Nor do I expect him to. But, I hope and pray that he will change the way people in this country and abroad view African-Americans. We are not all a booty-shaking, pot smoking, alcoholic, low pants wearing, illiterate, welfare-dependant, ghetto tenement living, HIV+/AIDS afflicted, drug dealing, stealing, and killing race of people. There are many of us who are hard-working, law-abiding, literate, politically active, church attending, health-conscience, charitable and compassionate people. We believe in educating ourselves and our children. We uphold God's laws and the law of the land. We fight against racism, sexism, and poverty. We want , as Dr. King spoke from the book of Amos, to "let justice run down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream." (Amos 5:24 KJV) We want equality. We long for freedom and justice. We believe that we have the inalienable right to pursue life, liberty, and happiness. We want peace, to live in safe, clean neighborhoods and to have clean water, food on our tables, affordable housing, and the best schools for our children. We don't want handouts, we don't want condescending attitudes, or pity from other races. We can stand on our own two feet and work just like the next man (or woman).

Yesterday, I cast my vote at the local courthouse when I got off of work. So, the next thing I'll do is anxiously await the voting results starting November 4th. I'll be on the Internet, watching the news. and listening to the radio. I am ready for change. I am hopeful. And I know that this country needs a changing of the guard. Not an African-American president to just speak for black folk only-- but an intelligent, compassionate, attention commanding and respectable person to speak for all Americans- white, black, red, yellow, pink and green!

Go 'head on, Senator Obama, future Prez of the United States of America. Do your thang! Show the world that we're smart, passionate, articulate, hard-working and that we MATTER! America, don't take us for granted. Don't look past us, or through us. There are intelligent thoughts in our heads, there's compassion in our hearts, we have a mind and a desire to work, and we must be respected, heard, and dealt with as equals!

Oh, No She Don't!!!

Lemme share a cute story with you. This past April, I went down home to my grandfather's 94th birthday celebration. Of course, there were lots of family and friends there, including his baby sister, my great Aunt. She's in her 80's, but she looks like she's about 60-something. Well, my Aunt is a really classy looking, gorgeous woman. And as my son says she's 'beourgie'.
For as long as I can remember, my Aunt has been a single woman, driving a late model Cadillac-- and she's always, always had a boyfriend. And this time is no different. She drove her brown colored Cadillac down home along with her man. That's right, she's got a BOYFRIEND!! WHAT THE...?!! Here she is in her 80's, close to 90 and she's got a boyfriend?!! Albeit, he was on a cane--she has one boyfriend more than I've got! , THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!

Now, Aunt is gorgeous, no doubt, and she deserves to ride in style, date, and do whatever and go wherever she wants. Hey, more power to her! But my thing is this…I am less than half her age. I don't have a Cadillac, but I can live with that just fine because I like my truck. But she has a MAN. And here I am, crying, sobbing, and snotting because I can't seem to get a date. I'm not even sure if I have a prospect for a date, let alone getting a boyfriend. See, sometimes men seem to be either afraid to approach me, already married, too old, too immature, or they make me wonder if he is a real man. What do I mean by a real man? I mean one who is not on the down low or a man who hits women, drinks excessively and/or does drugs, and doesn't work or want to work. A real man is able to love a woman, take care of himself, a wife and/or some kids and most of all loves Jesus! My, my,my...I wonder where my real man is?
But, back to the subject at hand. Look at this -- the bottom line is my eighty-something-year- old great Aunt has a boyfriend and I DON'T. WoW! Just to say that...I'm hurt, I'm ashamed, I'm almost devastated. And after all of these emotions, I get angry also. Yes, angry…at me. Here I am wanting to get into a relationship, have a male companion, a boyfriend, maybe even a husband one day… I mean.. Someone to talk to or hang out with...And what am I doing? Well, obviously not much.

Okay...back to my Aunt...I heard there was even a marriage proposal in the works. And check it, old dude practically asked her during a wake. Yes, A WAKE..the night before A FUNERAL. Yeah, the old folks are hookin' up...and getting it on!!

See Inside of Me ... An Introduction

To see inside of me requires a lot of time. I am multi-faceted. I am a mother, a student, a travel consultant. I am a Christian. I attend church regularly. I am a daughter, a sister, and a friend. I am a voter, I choose to let my voice be heard. I do it for me--I do it for Fannie Lou Hamer, for Medgar Evers, for Malcolm X, for Dr. King, for Shirley Chisholm, for Emmitt Till. Most of them paved the way for me and their voices were snuffed too soon--now, I speak for them. I am a lover of black men-- (one at a time of course!) I am a writer, a music and movie lover, an animal lover, and an avid reader. I love to dance and sing, even though I don't sing very well. My favorite types of music are gospel, r&b, and jazz. I stay up way passed midnite too many nights a week. I hit the snooze button too often. It's hard to get up at 5am if when I don't go to sleep until 1 or 2 am. On Saturdays, I like to sleep late. I don't, but I'd like to. And if a thunderstorm rolls in during the middle of the day--whew...I'd like to...well, I'll say " sleep "through it, if you get my drift? I like to cook and I like to bake. Soulfood's my favorite. Some fried chicken, greens, sweet potatoes, and cornbread, with a Coca-Cola. And don't forget dessert--Butter Pound Cake, made from scratch, with hot peaches and cold ice cream. It should go without saying, but I'll say it anyway-- I like to eat. I can really savor a tall, cold, sweet glass of iced tea, with a smidge of lemon, please. I immensely enjoy the company of my family and good friends. I like to shop and people watch. I am a 'Diamond in the Rough', because sometimes, I do and/or say the opposite of what I really mean. I'm elusive. Yep. At times, it's hard to get to know me. I'm simple. At other times, what I'm thinking is written all over my face. Sometimes I'm very talkative. Sometimes I'm quiet and pensive. I love to have fun. I'm just a kid at heart. I can be adventurous and cautious. I can be trusting or wary. Sometimes I'm hard to please. But most times I'm easy. Heeey--don't get the wrong idea. I mean easy-going, easy to please. I've been told I'm gullible. I don't know that I agree. But I do know that I am a flirt. And when I'm in a relationship, I'm loyal, committed, compassionate, and trustworthy. I am such a passionate person. I love to be in love.
My favorite color is purple. And next is red.
This is who I am--to see inside of me... requires love, patience, and time. I am sexy, sassy, sadity, and sophisticated. I love me. When you get to know me, you'll love me too....or love to hate me. But, that's alright. I am.. simply beautiful.