Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Take it from betta aks him!!

One of my favorite bloggers touched on a subject that is near and dear to me. He talked about dating and relationships as a single parent. This came about in light of the recent tragedy in the Jennifer Hudson family. He went on to discuss how he dates discreetly and doesn't involve his kids. I agree with the brotha wholeheartedly. I am a single mom of a male-child. I found it interesting how men would almost approach me...that is until he would see my son bounding towards me like a St. Benard--no offense sweetie--mumm loves her little 'poo-poo'. So once brotha man got a glimpse of the teen-age 'man of the house', he would quickly lose interest and turn the other way. Hey--no problem. I'd rather know up front when a brotha can't deal with a woman who has a child. It saves the both of us some time and probably heartache and handcuffs! But back to the blog by my big brotha. He said there are several questions that have to be asked prior to dating and allowing his date to meet his kids. I say, 'Right on, my Brotha! You should really read his blog in its entirety. It's really informative.

Now, I came up with some questions of my own about 7 or 8 months ago. I'm thinking about getting back into the dating scene after a loooong absence. I got to thinking about things, and decided upon these questions to ask a potential date. Now keep in mind, some of these questions are asked upon first meeting and some are saved for later dates. Use at your own discretion.

Question number 1. Does he KNOW Jesus? Is Jesus in him? Does Jesus KNOW him? Okay I know that looks like 3 questions, but really it ain't but ONE. Do you love the Lord EVERYday? Or just on Sunday? Or whenever it looks like you should? ( again with the multiple ONE question..same subject.)
2. Do you hit women? ( No, not Jesus, silly. aks man you thinking about getting with!)
3. Do you respect women? Do you even like women? (you'd be surprised by some of the issues our brothas are walking around with. Just AKS the question!!)
4. Do you like men, too? Uh, you know what I mean..don't need no down low.
5. Do you like kids? Do you have any kids? If so, how many?
6. Are you violent? Have you been told you have a bad temper? scary? Weird? Potential stalker? Again, it looks like more than one question, but it ain't!! Walk with me now.

I really, really like the way big brotha put it. He say:

Are you psychotic in any measurable way?—I know. It seems too
forward. But you'll be surprised at people that will just come out and tell you that they are not right in the head. We all have emotional problems—it's part of the human condition. But you can't fix people. They have to fix themselves. There's crazy, wacky and there's crazy, CRAZY. I don't know about you, but I don't need crazy in my life. Crazy, I got.

7. Do you want a wife or are you looking for another 'mama'?
8. Are you financially stable?
9. If I introduced you to someone I respect and trust, what do you think they would think of you? Ohhh that's good!!
Now this one is my son's question. I tell you, my child a fool!!
10. Where was your um--penis-- on May 3, 1980? How about last month? Last week? Last night, even?
11. Do you have a current or ex wife? Have you ever been close to marriage? But didn't? and if so,what happened?
12. Why did you choose to date me?What do you expect from me? And why? Yea-gur..ask him WHY?!! Big brotha puts it this way:

What are your intentions?—Are we just dancing, or are we moving toward something? If not, there's no reason for you to meet my kids.

13. Where do you expect to be one year from now? 5 years? 10 years? Does any of your future planning include me? Again, big brotha says it this way:

Got any life plans?—"What's a life plan?" Right. NEXT.

Now, I thought I asked some really good questions until I saw my big brothas list. I left off some important ones--but I'm including those questions and his comments here:
Do you dope or drink?—
Do you have any felonies?—Especially violent ones. Sex offenses count.
Are you on probation?
Are you employable?—can you at least get a job at Wendy's so you can afford a taxi if I have to kick you out for acting crazy around my kids? FOR REAL. Not only ask if he is employable, but sistas, ask if he's employed. There's nothing like getting in front of the movie theater, 20 minutes away from the hottest movie ever and you find out that the brotha you invited is expecting you to pay--because you asked him out and besides he ain't got no job, so he ain't got no money. humph--ain't that some shiggidy?!! I'd go in by myself and leave him standing there!
Do you vote?—No? NEXT.

Now, one word of advice, girls. You're asking the questions, no doubt, but don't be afraid to answer them as well. If this man is on point, he'll be asking you the same questions anyway. If he ain't--then you might want to re-think that dating thang!

Be Cautious, my Lady Friends--and be Blessed.

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