Tuesday, April 21, 2009

How Sweet It Is?

How sweet it is to be loved by you...that's one of my favs by Marvin Gaye. The lyrics typify blacklove. Yes, blacklove--all one word. Peep this.
I needed the shelter of someone's arms and there you were
I needed someone to understand my ups and downs
and there you were
With sweet love and devotion
deeply touching my emotion
I want to stop and thank you baby

Ah--yeah. That's what everyone's looking for. Sweet love and devotion.
But there is a dark side. I recently watch a documovie entitled "The Diary of a Tired Black Man"...a play on the title of the Tyler Perry movie...now 'documovie' is what I call it, not what the creator calls it.Check him out--Tim Alexander--he's on facebook, has a website, blog, and has a forum where you can contact him and continue to talk about the issue. www.tiredblackman.com

The issue is this: BLACK WOMEN ARE ANGRY.
Black women take this anger out on our husbands/boyfriends/partners/fiances...and why? Does it stem from our parent's relationship? Does it come from not having a father in the home while we were coming up? Why are Black Women so angry? We claim we want a good man--but when we find a good brother, why do we drive him away? and then keep Mr. NoGoodLazyTrifflingAzz NoJobNoAmbitionNoBathTakingMOFO? mmmm.

Mr. Alexander has a term for this condition--Angry Black Woman's Syndrome. Interesting. I have to admit, I've seen it time and time again. I always looked at it as a control issue. The woman does not want the man to wear the pants, she wants to wear them. She wants to control where he goes, what he does, who he's friends with, how the money's spent...etc. And Lawd--don't let him be remotely friendly or gentlemanly towards another female!! It's on and popping then! LOL.

I had to do some self examination here. As you all know simply beautiful is simply single, but she's wanting to get into a relationship--someday...But first I want to look at my upbringing, and my parent's relationship, and how that's affected me--before I go trapsing into a new relationship. I don't want to make someone miserable or be miserable myself when I don't have to be. I don't want to carry any luggage/baggage/crates/purses/makeup bags/change purses...nada...nothing negative into a new relationship. Only the love of God. So--looking at my upbringing...the way my mom and dad treated each other and still treat each other--I've found that I recognized some things in this documovie. Yeah--Tonya can easily be my mom. Always pissed--yelling and screaming about nothing--with an attitude from the pits of hell. My mom drilled into me as I was coming up--'don't depend on a man for nothing. Get your education, get you a job...buy your own house, your own car....' Good advice, I thought. As I got older, though, I realized that she never encouraged me to wait on God for my King. To trust God to send the right man to find me. To pray that I choose a man that will love, cherish, protect and support me. NOoooo-I never heard that. But I heard plenty of 'you ain't shit! You just like your daddy! and other insults and explicits...many, many others directed at my dad. So much so, that I had to wonder...if her husband is so bad...why she marry him? why she have kids with him? and why is she staying married to him? Yes, my mom is an ABW. She harbors bitterness, unforgiveness, and hate from many years of mistreatment from her husband. I'm not saying this is right or wrong..it just is. But, also look at this--this street is a two-way...she mistreats him, as well. And one of the hardest things to watch in this whole docudrama called Real Life--is that they are paying for mistreating one another...right here...right now...and don't even realize it.
Now, my dad's role in this is not the role James portrayed in the documovie. Although my dad's anger and blow ups with my mom were powerfully mean and full of hatred, he doesn't harbor or dwell on it. He let it go--and is "gone on 'bout his bizness" while moms is on slow stew. I can at least give him that. But, while he's in it...omg...it goes on and on...and on.
One thing that I've noticed in their 'relationship' is that in my mom's eyes, my dad couldn't do anything right. According to her, she has to take care of the bills, she has to take care of the house, the car, the kids, the dog...she feels that he doesn't deserve anything nice in life. She controls everything, she withholds things--money, a comfortable lifestyle, transportation, peace-- and hides food, hides mail, keeps important business informatiom from him. All that NONSENSE. And for what? She ain't seeing no gain from it at all. My sentiment is this: If you're going to go to those lengths to keep things from him--why stay married? AND the biggest problem I have with it is that...vengeance is the Lord's...not ours. And on his part, why would he put up with such mistreatment?! I see serious self-esteem issues on both of their parts!
Well, I had to make a decision. Will I follow in the footsteps of my parents when it comes to relationships? or will I seek a much more excellent way? I choose a more excellent way. You see, I almost fell into the same trap. When I dated my son's father, we got along very well for 4 of the 5 years. There were a few things that I didn't like early on, but I let them slide. Now looking back on it...I see that what he was doing really was a form of abuse. No, he never hit me...he never raised his voice nor cursed me out--(until our last year together). Yeah, at the time I thought he treated me well--and he did for the most part. But what I didn't see then as abuse--I clearly see it now. He had a tendency to lie, just make up things for the hell of it. He would ask his friends advice on how to treat me, or talk to me--instead of asking me how I thought or how I felt. He tried on the sly to manipulate what I did or didn't do. And he would tell me he would pick me up on this date at this time and never show up--and not only that, but not call for days afterward---hoping that I'd forgotten, or wouldn't be so mad. And my mom, knowing all of this, encouraged me to stay with him. She told me I was being too hard on him when he'd lied about picking me up for about the 3rd time. I was about to break up with him over it, but she talked me out of it. I look back at that and say 'why?' 'why would she encourage me to stay in a relationship that was starting out bad and only had the potential to get worse?' Because... Misery loves company.

I got out of that relationship, much later than I should have, but I got out and haven't looked back! Now I'm looking for better--no-- the best God has to offer! simply beautiful is asking God for a man who 1) Love's God. He's sold out and puts God first in his life. He trusts God, he prays not only for himself but for his Queen. 2) works. 3)has goals, dreams, and ambitions. And knows how to go about getting things done. 4) is smart. He's articulate..he reads..he writes. 5)loves women and has the utmost respect for his mother, grandmother, sisters, aunts and other women. 6) has love and respect for himself--how can he love me if he doesn't love himself? 7) he knows Whose I am (as well as Whose he is) and recognizes my value and worth. 8)loves kids (and animals, too--though this is not critical)
This time, my mom's advice will not matter--neither will my friends. Oh--I'll hear them out, because I want to be sure that I'm not walking into a bad situation and being blinded by love. But if he's treating me wrong--I don't like what he's doing--he makes me uncomfortable or uneasy about me just being me--then I walk. I won't listen to anyone telling me I'm being too hard, or that I need to give him another chance--If he ain't right, I'm taking it to God. And if God says, "Daughter, this man is for you", then I will stay. But that's what it's gonna take--God Himself will have to speak! LOL.

Diary of a Tired Black Man. Check the website -- www.tiredblackman.com
It's something to think and talk about--then follow up with action. Change what you need to change--about yourself first, then reach out. Crawl, walk, roll, run towards help. And remember--all of (y)our help comes from God.

Until next time.
Love, Peace, and Bacon Grease.

simply beautiful

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Ain't that Peculiar?

a favorite quote:

"Change is painful, but pain is changeful!!"

thanks to my young fb friend, Colton for that word.

Be blessed.

simply beautiful

Pride and Joy!


Today is my baby's birthday. My 'pride and joy', my baby boy, my son, my friend, my little man. Today, he's reached a milestone. He's twenty years-old.
My son was born April 15th at 810pm weighing in at 8 pounds and 8 ounces, 20 1/2 inches long. Today, he's about 5'11, weighs around 185 pounds. And he is as handsome as ever. My how things have changed, and yet stay the same!
Happy Birthday, 'Baby Boy'!!! and many many many more!!!
Mom luvs u!!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Mercy, Mercy Me

Hi there! It's been a while since I've posted anything on the romantic tip, but today I have a little something for you. simply beautiful is simply enjoying some attention from the opposite sex. On last evening, a young man decided to flirt with me--openly. WoW. From previous posts, you might know that he's been flirting for a while, just not so openly. Anyway, as you know, I am single, and the mother of a bright, handsome, 2nd year college freshman. He is my only child--my Pride and Joy. ( I'll introduce him later) But for now, on to my experience. I went to an Easter celebration on last evening and had a very nice time, I might add. Usually my son and I sit together, but because he was with his group of friends, I sat a few rows behind him. You see, he doesn't want me to be too 'clingy'. So this young man took advantage of the open seat beside me and sat down before the event started. Then he turned on his 'charm' and flirted with me--my son didn't like it one bit, but he was gentleman enough not to let it show. Anyway, the young man moved before the event started. (he moved, but not far) So, since the seat was now open again, my son decided he needed to sit beside me. No, not just beside me--almost on top of me, throwing his arm around me and even saying that I was 'taken'. Now you know--as flattered as I was by all of this attention to little ole me, at the same time I was annoyed. First of all "Baby Boy", mom can take care of herself. I appreciate the fact that you don't want just anybody coming up to your mom, coming on to your mom, or treating mom just any old kind of way! Much obliged to you, son. Good looking out! But mom deserves to have some fun. I like to flirt--especially with one as good-looking as this guy. Yeah...he's got some quirks, but quirks are cute. Second of all, "Baby Boy", it's nice to know you're here if I need you--but I DON'T NEED U RIGHT NOW!! Disappear for a minute or two--let mom get her 'grown folk' on. ( Keep it clean, now...remember I have a vow of celibacy--I ain't getting the "grown married folk" on--just the 'grown folk'!! LOL!!) And third "Baby Boy", Mom loves you and always will. No matter who comes into my life, no matter what happens, my love for you does not change. The only change in fact, is that my love for you grows from day-to-day. Ain't nothing or nobody gonna be able to change that. TRUST!
In closing "Baby Boy", know this-- there's plenty of room for me to love you fully and fully love someone else too.

simply beautiful

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Making Change Real

Let's get it on...let's make change a reality.
People, we are dying. Black people--men, women, and children-- from something that can be prevented. Learn to say no--and if you can't say no, use a condom. Educate yourself. Protect yourself. And LIVE.



support the cause.

simply beautiful

Monday, April 6, 2009

Follow Your Dreams

Hey there!! I have an update to this blog entry posted on Feb. 28th.
This is the blog entry on how God has worked things out in my life. I'd answered the question "Has death ever threatened your dreams?" My answer is " Yes!, ButGod!" And here is part B of my testimony.
Now, everything is closer to official! I'm passing the 12hours I'm taking now and I've received a letter from the school which states: "We have reviewed your petition to 'walk' in this special event and we are pleased to inform you that you clearly meet the catalog requirements for such participation." Is it just me? or do you see a party in participation? Okay, so I still have 6 hours to complete. It'll take me all summer--but it's worth the time and the effort.

The Event: Texas Wesleyan University GraduationProgram
The big day: Friday, May 15th
the time: 7:00 p.m.
the place: Tarrant County Convention Center
downtown Fort Worth, TX

Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow!!

simply beautiful

What's Going On

Today, a friend of mine asked me about a matter of the heart. WoW. I must be growing up. :) So I got to thinking ( that's very dangerous, you know ) that she is not the only one going through this kind of thing...why not blog about it? Sorry, T you know once you talk to me it's on and popping. Her question was about an old flame that never quite died out...still flickering. Should she/or shouldn't she give it one more try? Well, I see it this way. He's an "X". Of the men I've put an "X" on, I put it there for a reason. You know, like, we weren't on the same intellectual level- all he wanted was sex- all he wanted to do was hang with his friends and say he had a girl- he didn't have a sense of humor (imagine that, a black man without a sense of humor...he was really dry...don't worry, Michael don't read my blog so he won't be affected by me revealing he's a stiff and a bore)-we just grew apart, well honestly I grew up and he grew stew-pid. These are just some of the reasons. But maybe, just maybe you have someone in your past that you're wondering...what if we try again? It's been a few years, you've both grown up and are now different people with goals and needs that may be different than they were then. So this is what I told my friend. First and foremost, pray about it. Meet the Man, before you meet the man. Ask God if this man is for you. Be specific when you pray--there's nothing to large, nothing too small to ask God about. This is your life and you don't want to miss an opportunity, neither do you want to make the wrong choice. Second, when you talk to this man--ask him what drives him back to you? Listen closely to his answer. If you're in person when you ask him, watch his body language. Does it match the words that are coming out of his mouth? And third..if he is really, truly wanting to get with you, is he praying for you? will he pray with you? If either answer is "no", tell him that simply beautiful said, "kick rocks, bro. My sistah deserves the best that God has to offer, and you ain't it!!"
In closing, treat yourself with dignity and respect. And any man that comes into your space will know that he must do the same.
Peace. Love. and bubblegum.
simply beautiful.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Can I Get a Witness?

Remembering Marvin:

What's Going On?