An email conversation with my cousin "K" this morning.
G' morning, Sunshine! What's up? How was your weekend? Mine went well. Let me tell you what happened yesterday...I had someone flirting hard with me at church. My son was sitting next to me and he picked up on it before I did...and then when we got home..little man was LIVID!! Girl, I ain't never seen nothing so funny...I mean, my son was HOT!! Reminded me of the movie "Baby Boy" when tyrese mama was dating old dude. (LOL)..my son was ranting "why he have to sit so close?and this guy was trying so hard to get your attention!...blah...blah"
So we talked last night on the way back to school....he actually shut down on me...he say he's not mad at me...he just didn't want to talk about it. I guess he finds it hard to believe that someone would find me attractive. I told him that no matter if I decide to date or whatever--my love for him doesn't change. I'm kind of torn..yeah, I want to see this guy--but I don't want my son feeling like he's gonna be left out..I didn't date while he was coming up because I didn't want him getting attached to someone and then the relationship not work...any suggestions? I'm praying...
(Now )as for this situation with your son.. Quite naturally he is going to react like that because it has only been the two of you for so long!! However, you have done a fine job in raising him and he is in college doing what it takes to become successful. It is time you did some things for yourself.. Your son has been your boyfriend and son for far too long!If it were me I would explain t and reassure him that your love for him will never change but there is nothing wrong with you having a guy friend.. And move on.. One day He’s going to find someone that he likes too and move on.. Then what.. life and time will have passed you on by..Girl please I know that’s your baby but you need to get out SERIOUSLY!.. Let me tell you I have a friend situation kind of similar..She and her son were always together did everything together most like you and your son..He was her date when she went to the movies etc. and What’s crazy is she had a man for the most part… I mean the guy she was dating I think they met when her son was about 13 so up until then it was just them.. Even after she met this guy she and her son still did almost everything together and when they all started living together then it was the 3 of them doing everything together..To make a long story short… when her son got of age and moved away with his girlfriend she was hurt.. She and the guy have split up some what for other reasons but because she has no life outside of them she is now at home alone and lonely…. Nothing wrong with having great love for your son/kids but hell at the same time there’s nothing wrong with dating and you should not let your kid stand in the way of that especially when he’s damn near grown! You have got to find time for yourself and mingle because kids move on and get over things..Trust me..
I appreciate your response. I know I told him the right thing. I explained to him --when he comes home for the holidays, he'll go out with his friends and leave me at the house alone. The first time I was a little mad--I had to check myself!!...but I got over it--I mean, he's entitled to going out with friends and so am I . I don't want him up under me all the time !! I also told him that one day he'll find someone special..whether dating or marry...and then what does he expect me to do? Just sit around and knit? ...No --I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone! I want companionship too. He thinks its all about sex... I guess that's one thing men worry about... their own mothers having sex...I can relate. I think he just needs time to adjust to the idea. I'd been telling him about this guy flirting with me--and he told me it was my imagination..he really put a guilt trip on me... but no more..he saw for himself that I'm not chasing this guy...he's chasing me! And I'm glad it happened that way..my son just needs a little time to let it sink in...then I'll start dating. But I ain't giving him a lot of time...just a week or so--smile--Thanks for your input. You should continue to date and do your thing! Your kids have each other to keep company. If I would have had more than one child, I think I would've dated also. I chose my route --though difficult...I don't think I would change it. I have to remember, I told God that I'd wait until my son is older and able to take care of himself before I would move on with my personal life..and He granted that. So, I can't complain.
Yeap I agree totally.. and you’re right it’s just the reality of having to adapt to the idea that probably hit hard.. I mean it’s a huge and sudden change so who wouldn’t be concerned about their mother.. It’s natural.. But it’s up to us as mothers to make sound decisions as to how we are going to handle these type situations.. So when you gonna go on a date? And what was this guy talking about Sunday.. are you attracted to him? Have you told aunt Bobbie about him?
OMG!!! Dang!! all the questions...Is he gonna have to get your stamp of approval too? LOL...will answer the rest in a second....too busy laughing right now!!!!
Na gurl!! I know you enough to know that you wouldn’t waste your time with trash so I’m sure he’s a nice guy. What’s so funny? I’m serious and curious!
You just had all these questions at once. I didn't think I'd have to get your approval too.
Yeah...he's tall and slim...yes, I'm attracted to him..not talking about much--just chit-chat and we don't have a date yet. What I'd like is for them to get along and be comfortable being around one another.
in closing...this is the conversation I had with my cousin this morning concerning a young man at church who has been flirting with me for quite a while. My son had been telling me that it was my imagination and that this guy could not possibly be interested in me. I know that my child loves me and that he has my best interest at heart. I'm his first girl--and my cousin is right..he has been my substitute date for many years. But I don't regret the time I've spent with him. I believe we are very close as a mother and son. I encourage my son to talk to me about ANY and EVERY THING. Sex, girls, cars, clothes, boobs, vaginas, penises, guys, music, religion, family issues, drugs, war, politics, guns, pornography, homosexuality, HIV/AIDS, condoms, menstrual cycles...hell...we've talked about it all and then some. So it was very alarming to me when he would not talk to me about this subject at all! There's only a couple of things I can do.
1) is Pray. and 2) is give time, time.
So while he's trying to wrap his mind around the idea of his mom dating again...I'll be dating.
Thanks "K" for being open, honest, a bit brutal, but all true. Girl, you are the shiznit!!