I just love this classic song by Bill Withers titled, "Who is he and what is he to you?" The storyline of the song is about a man and his wife who are out together and run into another man. The singer does'nt know him, but he feels that his wife does. He goes on to tell her that he's not dumb. He tells her that his intuition is that she knows this guy, and that she's 'too much for one man, but not enough for two'. In other words, he realizes that she's demanding and he's got to step up his game, but nevertheless, he ain't about to share his woman--she can forget that. It's a good storyline, isn't it? But it's not what this blog entry's about. I just pimped the title and tweeked it a bit.
What it is about is this: I am in the market for a companion, boyfriend, male friend...dare I say...husband. (Ew, now that's a word) Only God knows at this point. Anyway, I've compiled a list of the things I'd look for in a man.
My title is "Who is he, and what is he to me?" And using a subtitle of : How a man should love me as God loves me.
My man should be:
1. A gentleman-- a civilized, educated, sensitive and well-mannered man. He opens doors for me, he respects and honors me. He does not force himself on me.
2. Confident and sure of himself; having no uncertainty about his abilities. NOT arrogant—No, not at all. He knows his worth—he knows Whose he is and Who he is AND most importantly, Who HE is! He can change the oil in the car, mow the lawn, clean the house, do the dishes, do the laundry, and DO ME --and still be confident in knowing that he’s the man of the house.
3. A provider who supports me and accepts support from me. And he is a protector—a defender and a guardian.
4. He’s powerful. He knows all of his power is in his prayers and his praise.
5. There’s nothing he won’t do for me. Because he knows there’s nothing I won’t do for him. We got each others back.
6. Anticipates my wants and needs. Does this need an explanation? Well, I’ll provide a short one. He knows me well enough to know what I need—see numbers 1-5 and 7-13. He knows we need food, shelter, clothing. He knows I want affection and attention. He knows how to draw a nice hot bath, light some candles, turn on some soft music, and wash my back, and then….
And, not to worry...I get it AND I give it.
7. He shows and tells me that he loves me. He calls me, brings me flowers, takes me to dinner, displays affection in public, etc. every now and again.
8. He does not need a performance from me in order to earn his love.
9. He keeps his promises! His word is his bond. If he says he will, he does.
10. No one can influence his opinion of me in a negative way.
11. He is intimate with me. And not just physical intimacy. I describe intimacy as open and frequent communication, having close contact over a period of time, building my trust and confidence in him through words and actions, which will lead towards becoming endeared one to another.
12.He cannot disown me. I am a part of him/he is a part of me.
13. He covers me and doesn’t expose me. This one is real important. He will accept me, flaws and all, and cover me where I need it. He will not expose my short-comings (or my sins) to the world. He is connected to me/and I to him, and will allow his strength to conceal my weaknesses. He will sit on my secrets and not reveal them to my friends or to my enemies. He will provide a defense for my emotions, guarding my inner-most thoughts and feelings.
Is this too much to expect from a man? I don't think so, especially if he’s expecting the same in return. You see, I not only want to receive this kind of love, but to give it as well. Now I'm talking about “Old Skool Love”. I call it that Big Mama and Big Daddy loving from sun-up to sun-down kind of love. That Sunday evening- rain is gently pitter-pattering on the roof kind of love. That slow-roasted, flavorful, melt in your mouth-not in your hand kind of love. A love that is like fine wine— gets better with time. Yeah, that good love.
A man ought to reflect God's love when he loves a woman. God created man and woman to love one another--a woman is her man's helpmate. Woman was not taken from man's feet in order to walk on him or be walked on by him, nor from his head to be over him, nor from his back to be the tail, but from his rib, in order to be by his side. What two can walk together if they do not agree?
I'm ready to start walking...Now if I could only find someone to walk with...