Thursday, November 27, 2008

Big Brotha

The other night I had a dream. I was looking for you, but I knew you wouldn't be there. I tried to tell myself this in my dream, but I had to look for you anyway. Happy Thanksgiving, Big Bro. It's my 2nd one without you. Someone one said it would get easier as times goes on...but whoever said that...well I don't think they ever experienced real grief. I miss you. There has been so many times within the last 2 years that I've wanted to pick up the phone and call you. Or just drop by your house and have a cold glass of tea. Many times I've almost asked my mom, "have you heard from (my brother)? I haven't heard from him lately, and I wonder how he's doing?" I have to stop myself because I know that she's missing you, too. I don't want her to hurt anymore than she is already.
There's so much I wish I could share with you. Like how your nephew has grown taller and slimmed down. How he's becoming comfortable in college. How he's progressing in his music, both singing and playing the keyboard. One of our last conversations, I was able to tell you that I'd been re-admitted to college. I'll never forget how happy you were for me. I wish I could tell you that I'll be graduating May 2009. I never thought I'd be graduating without you. But, I'll save a ticket for you anyway, as though you'll be there.

I miss him giving me advice. I miss our dinners together. I miss his laugh. I miss him just chillin' at the house with candles burning and music playing. I miss you Big Bro. You left me too soon.

The Word of God, tells me in one of my favorite passages, In All Things Give Thanks. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'd like to acknowledge that I'm thankful and that God is good. I give thanks to God for having a big brother who took care of me so well. I thank God for precious memories. I thank God for the love of family and friends who are filling the void. With that being said, God is in control and everything is everything. Big Brotha, we will meet again.

Special note: I wish to thank all who have helped me to deal with the loss of my brother. It's not my style to actually name names-- but, I'll break the rules this one time.
Thank you Matt, Eric B., Darrell, Dawn, DeShaun, Donna, Eric L., Kaliah, Kat, Lynette, Paula, Shelia, Tonii, "T", and Vincent. Each of you have been so good to me. You've shown you care--each of you at different times and in different ways. You continue to show me love, give a shoulder to lean on, and remind me that, although in life there's joy and there's pain, life does go on. Thanks for helping me make it through each day. God Bless and
I love you. simply beautiful

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