Good Morning, Sunshine!

An email conversation with my cousin "K" this morning.

from me:
G' morning, Sunshine! What's up? How was your weekend? Mine went well. Let me tell you what happened yesterday...I had someone flirting hard with me at church. My son was sitting next to me and he picked up on it before I did...and then when we got home..little man was LIVID!! Girl, I ain't never seen nothing so funny...I mean, my son was HOT!! Reminded me of the movie "Baby Boy" when tyrese mama was dating old dude. (LOL)..my son was ranting "why he have to sit so close?and this guy was trying so hard to get your attention!...blah...blah"
So we talked last night on the way back to school....he actually shut down on me...he say he's not mad at me...he just didn't want to talk about it. I guess he finds it hard to believe that someone would find me attractive. I told him that no matter if I decide to date or whatever--my love for him doesn't change. I'm kind of torn..yeah, I want to see this guy--but I don't want my son feeling like he's gonna be left out..I didn't date while he was coming up because I didn't want him getting attached to someone and then the relationship not work...any suggestions? I'm praying...

"K"
(Now )as for this situation with your son.. Quite naturally he is going to react like that because it has only been the two of you for so long!! However, you have done a fine job in raising him and he is in college doing what it takes to become successful. It is time you did some things for yourself.. Your son has been your boyfriend and son for far too long!If it were me I would explain t and reassure him that your love for him will never change but there is nothing wrong with you having a guy friend.. And move on.. One day He’s going to find someone that he likes too and move on.. Then what.. life and time will have passed you on by..Girl please I know that’s your baby but you need to get out SERIOUSLY!.. Let me tell you I have a friend situation kind of similar..She and her son were always together did everything together most like you and your son..He was her date when she went to the movies etc. and What’s crazy is she had a man for the most part… I mean the guy she was dating I think they met when her son was about 13 so up until then it was just them.. Even after she met this guy she and her son still did almost everything together and when they all started living together then it was the 3 of them doing everything together..To make a long story short… when her son got of age and moved away with his girlfriend she was hurt.. She and the guy have split up some what for other reasons but because she has no life outside of them she is now at home alone and lonely…. Nothing wrong with having great love for your son/kids but hell at the same time there’s nothing wrong with dating and you should not let your kid stand in the way of that especially when he’s damn near grown! You have got to find time for yourself and mingle because kids move on and get over things..Trust me..

me

I appreciate your response. I know I told him the right thing. I explained to him --when he comes home for the holidays, he'll go out with his friends and leave me at the house alone. The first time I was a little mad--I had to check myself!!...but I got over it--I mean, he's entitled to going out with friends and so am I . I don't want him up under me all the time !! I also told him that one day he'll find someone special..whether dating or marry...and then what does he expect me to do? Just sit around and knit? ...No --I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone! I want companionship too. He thinks its all about sex... I guess that's one thing men worry about... their own mothers having sex...I can relate. I think he just needs time to adjust to the idea. I'd been telling him about this guy flirting with me--and he told me it was my imagination..he really put a guilt trip on me... but no more..he saw for himself that I'm not chasing this guy...he's chasing me! And I'm glad it happened that way..my son just needs a little time to let it sink in...then I'll start dating. But I ain't giving him a lot of time...just a week or so--smile--Thanks for your input. You should continue to date and do your thing! Your kids have each other to keep company. If I would have had more than one child, I think I would've dated also. I chose my route --though difficult...I don't think I would change it. I have to remember, I told God that I'd wait until my son is older and able to take care of himself before I would move on with my personal life..and He granted that. So, I can't complain.

"K"
Yeap I agree totally.. and you’re right it’s just the reality of having to adapt to the idea that probably hit hard.. I mean it’s a huge and sudden change so who wouldn’t be concerned about their mother.. It’s natural.. But it’s up to us as mothers to make sound decisions as to how we are going to handle these type situations.. So when you gonna go on a date? And what was this guy talking about Sunday.. are you attracted to him? Have you told aunt Bobbie about him?

me
OMG!!! Dang!! all the questions...Is he gonna have to get your stamp of approval too? LOL...will answer the rest in a second....too busy laughing right now!!!!

"K"

YEAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Na gurl!! I know you enough to know that you wouldn’t waste your time with trash so I’m sure he’s a nice guy. What’s so funny? I’m serious and curious!

me
You just had all these questions at once. I didn't think I'd have to get your approval too.
Yeah...he's tall and slim...yes, I'm attracted to him..not talking about much--just chit-chat and we don't have a date yet. What I'd like is for them to get along and be comfortable being around one another.

in closing...this is the conversation I had with my cousin this morning concerning a young man at church who has been flirting with me for quite a while. My son had been telling me that it was my imagination and that this guy could not possibly be interested in me. I know that my child loves me and that he has my best interest at heart. I'm his first girl--and my cousin is right..he has been my substitute date for many years. But I don't regret the time I've spent with him. I believe we are very close as a mother and son. I encourage my son to talk to me about ANY and EVERY THING. Sex, girls, cars, clothes, boobs, vaginas, penises, guys, music, religion, family issues, drugs, war, politics, guns, pornography, homosexuality, HIV/AIDS, condoms, menstrual cycles...hell...we've talked about it all and then some. So it was very alarming to me when he would not talk to me about this subject at all! There's only a couple of things I can do.
1) is Pray. and 2) is give time, time.
So while he's trying to wrap his mind around the idea of his mom dating again...I'll be dating.
Thanks "K" for being open, honest, a bit brutal, but all true. Girl, you are the shiznit!!

simply beautiful--
.

Love Day 2009 - Countdown #2

Okay, I'm back again today to give some tips for you and yours leading up to "Love Day '09". Feel free to add your own twists to these suggestions--just be sure you do something for the one you love ( or seriously like ). He/She will appreciate your efforts, for everyone wants to feel like they are special to someone.

the 4th tip:
Go out for a special treat—ice cream, cheesecake, chocolate cake-- really-- any dessert. I suggest Braum's, Cold Stone, or the Cheesecake Factory. You might try an appetizer, drinks and dessert at Chili's, TGI Fridays..... or any fine restaurant of choice and remember, drink responsibly!

Tip Number five:
Fireplace or Living Room Picnic--that's right, it’s still cold out. But there’s no reason you can’t have a picnic. Bring out the picnic blanket, fry some chicken, potato salad...or go simple... fix sandwiches, chips, and red kool-aid. Turn on some summertime music and enjoy a romantic inside picnic!

for some terrific recipes, visit:
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes-and-cooking/picnic-recipes-and-tips/index.html

And number 6:
This will depend on the weather and the view-- Enjoy a sunset together. If you're creative you can arrange to have dinner in front of a picture window that faces west. Or just find a hill, park the car, enjoy some nice music on the radio or better yet--just talk, cuddle, and enjoy God's beautiful sunset.. And IF you are really adventurous, meet on an early morning to watch the sunrise and have breakfast together. Your sweetie will appreciate your thoughtfulness and creativity--and the fact that you think he/she is special enough to spend some time enjoying God's best creations--the opposite sex and nature. I know I would...(hint, hint for any of you single men who find simply beautiful is simply beautiful...(smile, blush)....u can contact me by email at seeinsideofme@gmail.com.... really, I don't bite!)

Happy Dating!!

simply beautiful.... wanting a simple love....

Waiting on God?

Recently, I've been listening to the Steve Harvey (in the a.m.) and Michael Baisden (in the p.m.) radio shows. And both just happened to talk on the same topic on the same day--Christian women waiting on God for a man. Well, both said they think Christian women are foolish for waiting on God to send a mate. This attitude really rubs me the wrong way. OK, wait..wait..let me explain. I don't totally disagree with them, because they made good points. They both said that the reason women can't find a suitable mate is because of the vibe she's sending. MMMmm. the vibe. I really have to admit that I cringe when I hear a woman say, "I'm waiting on God to send me a man". Yes, it's good to wait on God, but what are you doing while you wait? Because what you're doing (or not doing) causes Steve and Michael to say, 'Christian women are just sitting by waiting on God to send a man and it just don't happen that way.'
The first reason I'm chaffed is because I'm convinced that nothing happens by chance. God is control of everything. He knows our needs, our wants, and our desires. Women tend to either sit idly by waiting on God to drop a man from the sky, or go to the other extreme-- chasing everything that wears trousers, turning over every rock, looking behind every bush, and shaking every tree hoping to hit the 'man jackpot'. And hit it before girlfriends and cousin 'nem do. I really feel sorry for both parties. Women are lost, trying to find what she's not meant to, because Scripture says: He who finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22). And then the poor man is often caught unawares. Imagine, an unsuspecting brother visiting a new church on Sunday, looking to get his praise on. He steps into the church lobby and all of a sudden he's bombarded with a 'sea of overabundance'--the over-abundance of bountiful breast-ta-sees and well rounded bootys dressed in shiny, sequined, low-cut, see thru, too tight clothes. It's a shame to see normally sweet, reserved sisters-- upon the sight of an unattached male visitor-- turn into 'stalker women', winking, smiling, flirting, and downright macking right there in church in front of God, the pastor, and the mother board. These women think just because he walked up in church, 'this must be a good man.' They don't know diddly about where the brother's been, what he's been through or what issues the brother's dealing with--and they really don't care--they just want a man-- by any and all means necessary.
My best advice is this. Chillax, spend some time in prayer AND wait to hear from God. Pray without ceasing! Invite God to be your Husband. Love on Him. Bless Him. Worship and give Him praise. And He will give you peace. He'll calm your fears. He'll open doors for you and pour out blessings that you won't have room to receive. God's in the blessing business and He knows where you are. It's really just that simple. Wait on God. But, while you're waiting, go to work. Get yourself together. Work on your finances, work on your relationship with God, your relationship with others, and work on loving yourself. So pray, wait, work, and then get involved. Get busy in your local church. Volunteer in your community. Get a social life-- go out to dinner, to the movies, and get-togethers with family, friends and co-workers. Because God won't magically place a man at your doorstep, but you might meet him at the mall. God won't drop a man in your lap, but you might meet a good-looking man while at a gathering with friends. God won't draw you a map highlighted with 'you'll find him right here' and drop it down on your dining room table, but you might meet someone special while in line at the dry cleaners. Get the point? Be found working, being social, and living life to the fullest. Take good care of yourself--dress up and put on your make-up, like you already have a man. Do it for yourself! Keep a standing appointment with your hairdresser, get your nails and your toes did, and wax that unwanted hair. Let him find you with your sh*t together. Be a beauty queen before you meet him, that way he'll know what he's to maintain. (And the same goes for the man you meet---don't take on a man as a project that you have to fix up...but that's another blog entry...mmm...I need to get to that!!! LOL)
So to Steve and Michael, I agree with you to a certain extent, brothers. But I counter with this...she'd better wait on God! Because working in self or listening to friends is dangerous. Many a misguided woman has been through plenty of avoidable heartache and pain in the form of a man who is a compulsive gambler, a womanizer, an abuser, or even a killer. A woman's biggest mistake is not allowing God to speak to her about His plans for her life.
And to women who think waiting on God is all there is to do--I counter with this. Don't put life on hold because you don't have a man. Cultivate some interests and get involved. There's sports, politics, religion, travel, the arts, education and many other things to keep one occupied. Become a well-rounded woman. Make sure your conversations aren't limited because all you know is your job, church, television, and the latest gossip. And just remember, if God made a promise to you concerning a mate, then He will see it through. Because who God has for you, is for you.

A Conversation with a friend

I had a conversation via email with a friend today. She has an 'advice column', and I'm going through a little something so I decided to ask her opinion. Little did I know that she would be so insightful. For your reading pleasure, here is our talk. To keep things simple, she's "DOC"

Thanks Doc! here's my dilemma-- there's this guy that I like...and he likes me..but it seems both of us are terribly shy...can you give me a way to approach him that won't make me look like a wayward tramp? I must mention that we see each other at church...he's in the ministry and close to the pastor too, so I have to tread carefully...

DOC: I would say just to be yourself and one day after church ask him if he would like to get lunch or supper one day. Or just reference something he did that day. If he responds in a way that will lead to conversation then suggest something outside of church where you all can talk. As long as you don't say something like ' the gates of heaven are between my thighs' you'll be good to go.


sounds good. I just needed a third opinion. you may post my question if you please...just protect the guilty. and for the record no...I wasn't thinking about saying anything like that. LOL. although, somehow I don't think he'd mind me saying it. he's holy...but he's still a man. LOL.


DOC:Don't I know! My biological and my stepdad are preachers. I have seen and heard a lot of stuff. One thing I know for sure. If a minister is interested in someone he is extra cautious. Nothing like the jezzabels in the church to teach you to be careful.


mmmm. very interesting. I hadn't thought about it from that perspective. Yeah he seems extra cautious.. very selective and very slooow. I guess it's all good, though..being a private person myself, I don't want my business all over the church either. I just wish there were a handbook on how to date in church. I know what to do if I were in the world...but being in church is very different...or is it?


DOC: Not really. You just have to be very aware. EVERYBODY is watching. People are much more agressive in church. You know what I mean. If he starts being around you the other woman will try and make themselves be more available. It all boils down to how you two will handle it. If God has sent him to you he will be for you and no random chic can stop that.


yeah...that's what I kinda figured about other women. He's very much in the 'spotlight' so to speak--so I'm really surprised that no one's chasing him already. My pastor's very vocal anyway, so I know that he(my crush) knows to tread lightly. I appreciate your words of encouragement. I've been running from this whole thing for several reasons---and now I'm beginning to understand that it may be meant to be --because he's so persistent. He definitely is not taking instruction from me! So he must feel that I am the one for him. mmm..See, I'm glad I asked you. I'll be walking around with my head in the air the rest of the week! LOL


DOC: GO AHEAD HONEY!!! they maybe chasing him but he doesn't see anyone but you! Give a little extra twist of them hips when you walk! My aunt and I talked about being a preachers wife on Friday night. I said I am not my mother, "turn the other cheek and be nice all the time." My aunt isn't eaither and she is a preachers wife. She cuss like a sailor. I am saying this to say, do not stop who you are. Be strong for you. If this progresses to that level, be a strong woman and wife first. The women who proclaim to be holy... are really HO-ISH! God will reveal all.


girlfriend. you are too funny! omg. I feel like you have been watching the whole thing play out. you are so on the money --girl...

DOC: No joke, I am a seer. I don't tell people that.

I should have known...what you've said to me-I've been 'hearing in my spirit' for a while...but like I said, just running.so i will take your advice, approach him like a lady with an invite to lunch or something and see where that goes.

DOC:.Yes ma'am.

************************************************************************************

So, there you have it. What do you think? Is she really on the money? We'll see.

Will I ask him? or will I chi-ck-en out?

simply beautiful

Take it from me...you betta aks him!!

One of my favorite bloggers touched on a subject that is near and dear to me. He talked about dating and relationships as a single parent. This came about in light of the recent tragedy in the Jennifer Hudson family. He went on to discuss how he dates discreetly and doesn't involve his kids. I agree with the brotha wholeheartedly. I am a single mom of a male-child. I found it interesting how men would almost approach me...that is until he would see my son bounding towards me like a St. Benard--no offense sweetie--mumm loves her little 'poo-poo'. So once brotha man got a glimpse of the teen-age 'man of the house', he would quickly lose interest and turn the other way. Hey--no problem. I'd rather know up front when a brotha can't deal with a woman who has a child. It saves the both of us some time and probably heartache and handcuffs! But back to the blog by my big brotha. He said there are several questions that have to be asked prior to dating and allowing his date to meet his kids. I say, 'Right on, my Brotha! You should really read his blog in its entirety. It's really informative. http://www.theroot.com/id/48593.


Now, I came up with some questions of my own about 7 or 8 months ago. I'm thinking about getting back into the dating scene after a loooong absence. I got to thinking about things, and decided upon these questions to ask a potential date. Now keep in mind, some of these questions are asked upon first meeting and some are saved for later dates. Use at your own discretion.

Question number 1. Does he KNOW Jesus? Is Jesus in him? Does Jesus KNOW him? Okay I know that looks like 3 questions, but really it ain't but ONE. Do you love the Lord EVERYday? Or just on Sunday? Or whenever it looks like you should? ( again with the multiple ONE question..same subject.)
2. Do you hit women? ( No, not Jesus, silly. aks man you thinking about getting with!)
3. Do you respect women? Do you even like women? (you'd be surprised by some of the issues our brothas are walking around with. Just AKS the question!!)
4. Do you like men, too? Uh, you know what I mean..don't need no down low.
5. Do you like kids? Do you have any kids? If so, how many?
6. Are you violent? Have you been told you have a bad temper? scary? Weird? Potential stalker? Again, it looks like more than one question, but it ain't!! Walk with me now.

I really, really like the way big brotha put it. He say:

Are you psychotic in any measurable way?—I know. It seems too
forward. But you'll be surprised at people that will just come out and tell you that they are not right in the head. We all have emotional problems—it's part of the human condition. But you can't fix people. They have to fix themselves. There's crazy, wacky and there's crazy, CRAZY. I don't know about you, but I don't need crazy in my life. Crazy, I got.

7. Do you want a wife or are you looking for another 'mama'?
8. Are you financially stable?
9. If I introduced you to someone I respect and trust, what do you think they would think of you? Ohhh that's good!!
Now this one is my son's question. I tell you, my child a fool!!
10. Where was your um--penis-- on May 3, 1980? How about last month? Last week? Last night, even?
11. Do you have a current or ex wife? Have you ever been close to marriage? But didn't? and if so,what happened?
12. Why did you choose to date me?What do you expect from me? And why? Yea-gur..ask him WHY?!! Big brotha puts it this way:

What are your intentions?—Are we just dancing, or are we moving toward something? If not, there's no reason for you to meet my kids.

13. Where do you expect to be one year from now? 5 years? 10 years? Does any of your future planning include me? Again, big brotha says it this way:

Got any life plans?—"What's a life plan?" Right. NEXT.

Now, I thought I asked some really good questions until I saw my big brothas list. I left off some important ones--but I'm including those questions and his comments here:
Do you dope or drink?—
Do you have any felonies?—Especially violent ones. Sex offenses count.
Are you on probation?
Are you employable?—can you at least get a job at Wendy's so you can afford a taxi if I have to kick you out for acting crazy around my kids? FOR REAL. Not only ask if he is employable, but sistas, ask if he's employed. There's nothing like getting in front of the movie theater, 20 minutes away from the hottest movie ever and you find out that the brotha you invited is expecting you to pay--because you asked him out and besides he ain't got no job, so he ain't got no money. humph--ain't that some shiggidy?!! I'd go in by myself and leave him standing there!
Do you vote?—No? NEXT.

Now, one word of advice, girls. You're asking the questions, no doubt, but don't be afraid to answer them as well. If this man is on point, he'll be asking you the same questions anyway. If he ain't--then you might want to re-think that dating thang!

Be Cautious, my Lady Friends--and be Blessed.